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Fidel and George W. in Purgatory - A seaman’s tale

Posted March 29, 2005 by I-taoist in Cuba Politics.
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“Well”, says George W. to Fidel “I see you didn’t make it.”  “No,” says Fidel, but “but at least I’m glad you didn’t make it either, ‘Yankee Imperalist!”  And the two glared at each other hatefully.  “At least I was not a dictatorial tyrant” says George as he creased the brim of his cowboy hat and smoothed his eagle feather, looking out into the void.  “Who says?” Fidel responded as he stroked his scraggly grey beard and reset the sharp edges of his green fatigues.

And they both just sat in silence for a while looking out into the darkness and the void. 

“Come to think of it” says George “at least we made you suffer more during my reign, err uh, time in office.”  “Me, suffer?” says Fidel, “You gotta be kidding, I sure didn’t miss any meals, had all the cognac and women I wanted.  In fact I lived like a king.  It was my people who suffered starvation rations and deprivation because of you.”  George just shrugged and said, “Well, how else were we going to undermine your regime?  Everyone knows if the people suffer enough they will rise up and overthrow their government.”  “Like hell they will” snorted Fidel, “you stupid Americans never got it, the more you helped starve them and keep medicine off their shelves, the more they loved me.  I was their champion, defending them from the monster to the North.  Without your blockade I could have never maintained power as I did.  I laughed every time you made life worse for my people, you stupid Gringo.  It was like playing chess with an idiot.”  “Who you callin’ idiot, you tyrant!” screamed George W..  “Takes one to know one” retorted Fidel blissfully, as he sat and fondly remembered all the public rallies lasting hours, with tens of thousands cheering his every word. 

After things had cooled a bit George asked, “Tell me “Comandante,” did you really think we were going to invade the island?”  “Nah” says Fidel, “like all the other times you Yankees rattled your swords, it just gave me a pretext to thumb my nose at you to the world and put my people through their paces—- so they wouldn’t forget that you were their real enemy, and not me.  In fact, every time you blew your tin horn my security people grew stronger, how else do you think we could have kept a lid on all those crazy Cubans?  You know, us Latins are a hot-blooded people.”  “Whoa now” says George W., “we worked very hard to overthrow your government, we supported the dissidents and gave them money, we spent millions on our propaganda machine.”  “Yea,” chortled Fidel, “and I loved it, it made them all look like Americano stooges to my people, it completely took away any credibility they may have had.  With enemies like that you don’t need many friends.”  “You mean ....” stumbled George.  “Yea,” says Fidel, “it cut off their cahones!,”  and he laughed in his high falseto voice which rang out into the void.

“But I at least stood for freedom and democracy,”  George W. mumbled, a bit disconcerted.  “Yea,” says Fidel, “while you took away your peoples right to travel to see their sick parents, took away markets for your farmers, usurped your congress’ will to ease the restrictions by pulling back room shenanigans, and prosecuted a sailing couple for organizing a sailboat race to Havana.  Not to mention the airport spies you set up to catch any unwary travelers who might want to see for themselves our island.”  “Well!” screamed George W. “they were breaking the law!” 

Fidel just sat a moment and stroked his grey beard.  Then, putting his arm around George W’s shoulder. he quietly whispered in his ear “Si, compadre, I used that one a lot too.” 

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