Hi All,

I’m interested in seeing how many Cuban-Foreigner marriages have lasted for more than a couple of years following departure from Cuba…..and how many have ended in divorce within a couple/three years…..

And I’m also interested in hearing your personal stories and experiences.

Forgive my sceptical-ness…..I know many Cubans and they are lovely people. But I also know the conditions that the Cuban people have to endure in their country.

Thanks in advance for your replies.

i have marry in Cuba in March 2008
in august she came in europe
in december she departed for cuba

I married a cuban in 2008.  She has been to Europe twice since then.  She is now back in Cuba.
Aswell as huge cultural, climate and language differences, lack of family in Europe was a real problem.
I have my doubts that she will be back for a third time, mainly for the reasons mentioned above.
Cubans are very curious about the world outside and marriage to a foreigner seems to be a way out of their problems.
They see “rich” tourists in their country and are definately seduced by the potential for material gain and travel.  Of course this is not sufficient to keep a relationship going, especially in the stressful modern day environment in Europe.
Of course some relationships work, but many appear not to, from what I know and have heard.  I don’t know relationships between two compatriots are generally more durable, but they at least don’t have to deal with a load of additional issues.

I myself I’m currently engaged to a Cuban man.  We met last year and have spent almost 20 weeks together (in the past 14 months), so, we ‘get eachother’, and this is not simply a ‘vacation fling’.  That being said, there is a woman that lives in my very apartment building who has been together with a Cubano for 12 years…and married 9 of those years.  They seem like a normal, regular happy couple.  They are both in their 40’s, (I think).  She may have a few years on him, but nothing too obvious.  As with all things in life…“The squeeky wheel gets greased”.  Happy and content people do not usually run to their computers to share their happiness, they simply live it.  My experience has indicated that it is usually the discontented individuals who put the energy behind communicating ‘this’ to the rest of the world, not the happy ones.  And this goes with any particular topic.  Finding so much information on the internet, or wherever, reflecting all of the failed Cuban-Foreigner marriages, is not necessarily a true reflection on how many fail and how many succeed.  It is more a reflection of the human experience, and people wanting to be ‘heard’ when they are discontent…and the happy ones, merrily strolling through life…not making posts of their positive experience.  Just my 2 cents worth.

I’m currently in a relationship with a Cuban. I’m 29 and he’s 23. We met in 2003 at our parents wedding. My canadian father married his cuban mother. They are not together anymore because.. well my father is just not a good husband lol and she didn’t want to come to Canada. But my father still spend 6 months a year in cuba.

Back to my love story..
Since 2003, I received 2 or 3 emails from him but I wasn’t really interested, or I saw him more as a step brother… My father sometimes brought me little presents from Cuba, from him.. like shells and a particular nice necklace.. Which at that time, I did not pay too much attention.. (I feel bad now lol) After a while, he stopped writing to me.
In january of this year, I went to Varadero to visit my father with my mom (they still have a good relationship) and there he was… Funny thing is at that time I was just sick of men and needed a long break.
To make my story short, we spent a beautiful week together and kept in touch everyday by emails and by sending “beeps” letting the phone ring without answering which means he thinks about me or vice-versa. I decided to return for one week, first week of this April because I needed to explore more this relationship and I was very sceptic but in love. I asked my father about him, because they have a very close relationship, and my father assured me that he always talked about me and had feelings for me for years. But my father never bothered telling me because I was preocuppied elswhere. When I went in April 09, I stayed with him, not in a resort, and we spent another beautiful week together. When I left at the airport he asked if I would marry him some time. I said yes.
Of course it’s a beautiful story and he wants me to tell the whole world about it because we both know about the bad reputation of Cubans getting married just to get out of their country. I have my insecurities as he’s a lifeguard and I witnessed myself his lifeguard friends all having foreigners girlfriends. But he insists and makes me realize that our story is different. And I know it is.
I think our love and our relationship is a mix of him loving me and wanting to live a dream (getting out of Cuba) and for me, is having found a men (23 is young in Canada but maturity level is different in Cuba), that corresponds to what I want (without me even looking for someone). I love cubans for their old fashioned values, based on love, helping others, family etc..
Some days I’m 100% positive that I’m doing the right thing to marry him and some days I think it’s too obvious that it’s a scam (because of all I witnessed myself from his lifeguard friends, or stories I read on the net). Like my boyfriend told me, in life there is nothing sure except death. Cold comment but true. How can I know if I don’t try? Bottom line we love eachother and I admire the person he his and I want to learn more about him. I think our different culture brings a spice to the relationship and I have such a bad history of men here, that at this point, who cares.. It’s him or no one.
There are many other details to our story, but mainly positive. I just go with the flow and planning on returning soon, but not for the wedding. I will wait but there’s so much time I can wait since it is very expensive for me.
On a side note, he was always very generous when I was with him, insisted on paying for my drinks etc. He never asked me one penny and is very excited to meeting my son. He got some really nice shells for him and is very sweet always asking about him in his emails. He actually writes me long emails, once a day.
I hope this email has at least brought some positive to any of you out there not too sure what to think.. I’m still not 100% sure.. Time will tell and I will just follow my gut.

vivi i have read your story
we can agree that all cubans want to get married to leave from the island
BUT the problem is waht will happen the next day
are cubans ready to live in western culture standards?
because in canada or in europe you can not survive selling cigars to tourists or to searching for tourist for keep to them company(i speak for cubanas)
is like this.my wife came in athens and she realized that here we did not was like in cuba
of course becaiuse in cuba i was making vacations and the rythms was diferrent
any way i have decided to give her a second change and i will bring her back in athens on june
but it will be my last change to see from her a better face
if she asks again to go back for christmass etc she will but on one way ticket

Interesting topic, I have been communicating with a cuban woman for a year and will be there next week for the first meeting, she wishes to get married if we ‘click’ yet does not wish to leave Cuba for me to move and live there. is this abnormal?

contact me in skype to make a discussion about this
my user name is: bakouri1968
or in msn is:

Alan David
I personally find this abnormal because how can you know you want to marry someone if you don’t know yet if it clicks?
I agree not every cuban wishes to leave their country. My boyfriend told me it didn’t matter where we lived. I personally would of tried living in Cuba, or both countries, but because of my shared-custory of my son, I’m stuck here.
Go for the week and follow your head AND heart

Hi Havanafun:

I talk with this with my fiance and he’s a really hard worker, he works two jobs and is very ambitious. He’s a very sociable person and have many friends. I’m the same, so I believe he will adapt to working and having fun with friends and family, just without the sun! He’s convince he will survive in Canada (weather), but he has no idea. I’ve told him he’s crazy for wanting to leave the beach, the sun, the fun (he’s young and a lifeguard) but he says he wants to be with me?! I’ve warned him that I will refuse to make him go back (exception of visiting family of course).. if so he will not get out alive haha
He’s also young and wants a family, that could keep him busy and motivated to stay.. no?

I’m sorry that your wife has a hard time adjusting. Is she keeping busy? Is she working? Making friends? Doing things she likes, hobbies?

Vivi1980 - 26 April 2009 05:52 PM

Alan David
I personally find this abnormal because how can you know you want to marry someone if you don’t know yet if it clicks?
I agree not every cuban wishes to leave their country. My boyfriend told me it didn’t matter where we lived. I personally would of tried living in Cuba, or both countries, but because of my shared-custory of my son, I’m stuck here.
Go for the week and follow your head AND heart

I have my ticket and spoke to my friend and we are renting an apartment when I am there. Seems the Govt. is not to keen on Cubans visiting non Cubans in hotels. She said it is difficult.

I will be in the Miramar area, close to her parents, work and University. Should prove interesting. I am also a writer but know to be careful about political issues.

Alan David:
First of all, I hope you have a wonderful time.  Havana is an amazing city.  I spend 10 weeks there (in 2008), and have just returned from another 10 week trip.  Of course, I have reservations about people communicating online, I think most of us do.  Well, that’s our problem, and hopefully not a problem for you.  Communication styles, certain depths of communication, and the ‘biggie’...chemistry…all change; whether online, by telephone and/or in person.  That is just a reality.  Now, that being said, it doesn’t mean that your communication style/depth (etc.) will be any less, just be prepared for it to be (somewhat) different.  That applies to us all.  It is the very rare exception (from my experiences) that the online ‘connection’, actually translates to an in-person connection, but again, that has only been my experience, and I am but one person.  Cuba is a different ‘bird’, in almost all regards.  First of all, it is a desperately poor, strictly governed country; a place where freedom of speech, the normal kinds of options available to us (in more developed countries—simply do not exist), and racism runs as rampantly as it did, in the USA in 1960’s.  No, they may not be actually hosing down the people of color, but, trust me when I say, they are treated like 2nd class citizens.  Whether your friend is a black woman, or a latino, will change your experience.  I wish it weren’t true, but it is.  Read all the information you want, on Cuba, most will boast no racism, which (in reality) is completely inaccurate.  My fiance is a black man, I am a white woman, and although its not like people come up to you and call you names, the tension, and disapproval are palpable. When the police stop their own citizens, the ratios of black people (being stopped) are much higher than the white people.  Again, Cuba is a world unto its own.  When you have a country so desperately cut off, from the rest of the world (except for the limited and often skewed perspective of the ‘tourists’,) a country without personal freedom and liberties, you have a country with people desperate to ‘get out’.  It is difficult, if not impossible to know exactly how much of a person’s intention (when with a foreign girlfriend, or boyfriend), is to ‘get out’.  I say this not to judge, as if I were a Cuban, if I experienced the daily hardships that they do, I (more than likely) would have ‘getting out’, as my number one goal,  be it consciously, or unconsciously—and I am fairly certain that I would do things/behave in certain manners etc., that I wouldn’t normally do, if the circumstances were different.  It’s just a reality. I am marrying my fiance in June, we have known eachother for over a year and have spent 5 months together. I have had the luxury of time…day to day…humdrum, daily time, with him.  Not just (what so many others have experienced) in their ‘vacation romances’.  Anyone can be on their best behavior for a week or two, at a time.  Even if there have been a dozen of those kinds of visits, we all need the day to day/humdrum experience of everyday…over time…and nothing can substitute for that accumulative, ongoing day to day experience.  Of course, most people simply do not have the luxury of that kind of time, as their employment would make it prohibitive.  Even with all the time I have been lucky enough to spend with my fiance, neither I nor he, really, really know how much of his marrying me is to ‘get out’ and how much is because he wants a life with me.  And, realistically, that is not something we will truly know, until AFTER he has spent a good chunk of time, here, in his new home.  I know his intentions are pure, but, even he cannot truly know the answer to that, until he is here.  Having him come from a nation where he is not valued, thought less of (because of the color of his skin), does not have freedom of speech, freedom to choose the kind of profession he would like to, seldom has enough food to eat every single day, is always at risk of being pulled over by the police, possibly jailed, etc., etc….(I’m sure you get the idea)...he (and other other Cubans) cannot really be clear on how much of them wanting to leave is because of the horrible circumstances, and how much of his wanting to marry me, is a direct result of what I just referred to, and how much is because (he feels) that I am the love of his life?  Neither of us can really know, no matter how much convincing he tries to do with me, as the picture is simply too shaded, due to the living circumstances. Please understand that I am not judging, I am not saying every Cuban wants to ‘get out’ and will do anything to do so.  No, I am simply stating that I am a realist, and neither of us will now how much of it is me, and how much of it was out of sheer (and completely valid) desperation.  If the roles were reversed, I am fairly certain that I would have ‘getting out’ as my main priority, and (although) I may not be an opportunist, or a person that uses other people, I could never deny it is/was a factor.  And if I were to walk a mile in a Cuban’s shoes, I am fairly certain (because I am human) that there would be many things that I would do, (that I normally wouldn’t), if that desperation didn’t exist.  So, tread gently, have your eyes open…and proceed consciously.  Knowing all of this, having been around the block a few times, being a realist and a woman in love…I am consciously choosing to marry him, because I love him with all of my heart.  But, I am also willing to do so, and jump through the million bureaucratic loops necessary, because I too have mixed intentions.  I too want him to live freely, I too want him to have the kinds of opportunities that I have, and I am taking a very calculated risk that, after he arrives (be it the next month, or 3 years down the road), he will leave me.  It’s a double edged sword, if you are really, really honest with yourselves.  How much of my intentions/motivations are simply to give him the gift of a free and opportunity filled existence, and how much of it is because I want to spend the rest of my days with him?  I too, cannot truly know how much is one, and how much is the other, until AFTER he arrives in my country.  But, that is a risk, I am prepared to take.  And (being in a position to offer that to someone), is an extraordinary privilege, not having any attachments to a certain outcome, not expecting that he ‘owes’ me anything, opening myself; mind/body/soul and bank account…are all things that I am doing freely…with my eyes open..with my heart on my sleeve, but, with my eyes open.  If ‘our story’ ends up being one of those “He married her just to get out of Cuba” stories, I will have no regrets..I am heading in my my eyes wide open, my heart hoping for the best and grateful that I am in a position to change another human beings life…forever.  Being able to offer ‘freedom and personal liberties’ to another human being…are all things much, much bigger than ‘our relationship’.  I am no shrieking violet, I am no victim, and I cannot be used…when my eyes remain open.  My motivations are mixed, as I’m sure his are…and time will be the only real litmus test.  Worse case scenario, I have been instrumental in changing his life and the lives of many of his family members…I can live with that.  Best case scenario, I have been instrumental in changing his life and the lives of many of his family members….and we live a relatively happy, contented and peaceful life…together.  It’s all good.  Give Havana a big hug from me.

Shauna;

Nicely said and expressed. I feel the same.

Shauna;

I read your post and also agree. I live in the Bahamas and do not see any racial problems here like the USA. I am white and my friend is a black Cuban, should be interesting experiencing if there is any tension I may encounter.

I had a fantastic time. we rented a house in the Miramar area. Went to the Tropicana, bought and cooked our own food. I am counting the days to return.

i’ve been hitched to a cuban since 2001. Still going strong. We were born in the same generation, share similar views with regards to music, art, politics, social issues…etc….basically we have similar sensibilities. For me, meeting someone in Cuba was like meeting someone anywhere else.  It involves a bit of intuition, timing, and most of all common sense. I have been fortunate enough to recognize when someone is taking me for a ‘ride’. Fortunately, so are Cubans. Landing a Cuban mate had nothing to do with culture, or a burning desire to fish off a different dock. Nothing was premeditated, rather clumsy really which turned into bliss. if its right, its right. period the end. It pains me to hear these stories considering there are so many suckers in the world. Nonetheless, some deserve it while others do not. I consider my relationship with my partner to be pretty ‘normal’, whatever that is.