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Canada-Cuba Marriages - Documentary
Posted: 02 April 2010 03:30 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 31 ]
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liv2cr8 - 22 January 2009 01:55 PM
[ Edited: 02 May 2010 02:32 PM by safron ]
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Posted: 02 April 2010 04:17 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 32 ]
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feel free to contact me
i’ve been married to a Cuban man for 9 years and we live in canada (home base) and Cuba…it was a grulling yet interesting process. I use the word interesting as i can reflect back on it now. However, in 2001 i don’t think interesting was my word of choice. I guess we can be considered ‘successful’ since we are still hitched and loving it!
not sure if this post is dead. please write back and then i can give my email or vice versa….
adios

[ Edited: 02 May 2010 02:34 PM by safron ]
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Posted: 10 April 2010 11:25 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 33 ]
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Interesting discussion.  The idea of marrying a Cuban whether male or female is chock full of complexities.  Some of the bureaucratic ones have been outlined.  As tedious as that all seems I would suggest that this is the easier part of forging a solid, trusting relationship with a Cuban National.  The complexity lies in the cultural aspect and you need to give yourself time to figure this out.  As they say “there are many mysteries in Cuba.”  I met a very young mulatto chica in Cuba last January in a very unintentional manner when I was vacationing with my teenage son.  I have since been back to spend time with her in February and March with plans to go back again in May or June.

On the engagement question, all that is required is that you decide to get engaged and get rings for each other.  There are no required formalities.  She will wear hers on her left hand ring finger and when you are married this is transferred over to the right hand in Cuba.  If you are approached by the police (and you will be if you are obviously a foreigner and she is either much younger and/ or black/mulatto, you need to stress that the two of you are engaged to be married, that she is not a jiniterra, and that she is only with you.  She will have to produce her ID card and the police (as in my case) will call in to see if the person has any history of ‘riding on the backs of tourists.’  If she doesn’t (as in my case) they will let you carry on.  This can be quite an uncomfortable process for the Cuban as punishments are severe in Cuba if a Cuban commits a crime.  The solution is to get married however at this point I can’t imagine that the simple act of getting married would, at least in my case, stop the police from noticing “us” and making an inquiry.  I envision having to carry around our marriage certificate.

On the question of bringing your Cuban partner to your country to live.  From what I have read and from what I am learning first hand I think this is a failed proposition right from the start.  I would however say that if you are Spanish speaking and live in a Spanish speaking country that might be helpful in terms of them making the transition or it might make it easier for them to leave you if that was their intention.  As has been mentioned, Cubans are highly family oriented.  They stay very close to their friends and family and most I have met have lived in the same town or city most of their life with very little travel outside.  This is largely due to cost and the fact that most do not have transportation.  Pull them out of this environment and transplant them into a North American or European environment with all the changes previously outlined and chances are he or she is going to be miserable and longing to go back to Cuba as soon as possible.  In the cases of those who marry a Cuban who promptly ‘flees’ for the US or somewhere else to make it on their own, I think that involves a bolder, more self confident personality which is something you could watch out for while you spend time with this person in Cuba.  If she is a woman pay attention to how much attention she pays to other foreign men.  If she is always looking and quite willing to engage in conversation with other foreigners then you may have someone who might potentially use you to get what she wants (ticket to travel in and out) and then hook up with someone else in her new country.

On the question of age.  Indeed age is looked upon differently - I would even say indifferently at least as compared to Canada.  In Cuba (and perhaps other Latin American countries) love dictates and transcends any age boundaries that may exist in other countries.  I validate this with many observations.  Whenever my novia introduces me to another Cuban person as her ‘esposa’ and shows off her modest ring, the reaction is always positive and met with warm smiles congratulatory expressions.  From that point forward whenever you bump into that person again they will greet you the same way they greet those closest to them.  I have been very impressed with this unimpeded sense of acceptance.  It truly is one of the beautiful aspects of Cuban culture.  They are quickly able to be happy for each other and seldom judge the other persons decision.  Alternatively, depending on your own situation, you can expect quick judgement, stares, and even negative comments from foreigners.  An example in my case was a Dutch woman we met at a carnival in Vinales.  She was dancing with my novia’s brother and as she became introduced to our group she began peppering me with questions.  “Isn’t she young, does she speak any English, how do you communicate, is it just for your money, what’s the sex like, etc. etc.”  As the night and days wore on she became accustomed to my relationship with my novia as it became quite obvious to her - as a woman - that our relationship was genuine.  Then she said “You know my dad married a younger woman from another country and because the woman is not very attractive we found it easier to accept that they were genuinely in love.  It is more difficult if the younger woman is, as in your case, very attractive.  However, I can tell now that the two of you are in love and that is great for you!”  Interestingly, the more I spoke with the Dutch woman the more uncomfortable my novia became.  Cuban women are possessive and seek to control the interactions their man has with other women.  As deeply in love as I am with my Cubana princessa, I do at times feel like a walking cliche’.  Throughout Cuba you will see foreign caucasian men ... say 35+...with Cuban blacks or mulattos.  The woman will often boast signs of how she has benefited from the relationship in terms of her clothing, jewelry, hair and nails, etc.  She will do the translating and often start managing the money as they travel throughout the country together. 

Having said the above, these foreign/Cuban hookups are not limited to foreign men and Cuban women.  Cuban men are something else altogether.  My novia’s brother is a good example.  He is 25 years of age, is married to a Cuban woman of 28, and they have a four month old baby daughter.  They live in a decent home along with his wife’s father.  At the same time that this is going on, this young man has an ongoing relationship with a Brazilian woman of 45 and he routinely goes to the Casa Musica to meet other ‘touristas’ a number of which he winds up getting free drinks from and sleeping with.  What is shocking is that his friends and family are entirely aware and supportive of this and all conspire to keep it secret from his wife.  One day in his home I saw him dropping 25 CUC’s in front of his wife after being away for a week as if he were the noble provider.  He sported some new clothes and an IPOD and had been literally screwing his brains out for the week spending time in a luxury resort in Cayo Coco.  His Cuban friend of the same age is currently married to a Hungarian woman who he is in the process of divorcing in favor of a 30 year old Spanish woman whom he plans to marry later this month.  His rationale is that his job prospects will be much better in Spain with the language advantage, etc.  He too shops the Casa Musica regularly in his hometown for typically female European tourists and one week had his Spanish fiancee’ in town the same time he was dating a woman from Switzerland he had met a week earlier.  He managed this by explaining the situation to the Swiss woman and keeping it secret from the Spanish girl.  So people, one observation I would make is that it is entirely natural for Cuban men to have several women on the go be they Cuban nationals or foriegners.  Alternatively, Cuban women (like most women) don’t appreciate this level of promiscuity and tend to be much more loyal to their man.  It is not unusual to meet a Cuban women with two or three children each with different fathers as the men come and go from their lives.  Again this is highly accepted as a function of Cuban life and no one is judged.

As you can tell I could write a book so I will sign off for now.

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Posted: 08 March 2011 03:37 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 34 ]
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revans - 27 January 2009 11:17 AM

I am going back down to see my girl friend and we would of course like to spend more quality time with each other. I understand that the one way to do that is to get engaged, which would kill 2 birds with one stone anyway. I am wondering if this is done simply by proposing to her, or if we also have to register with the authorities?

    Let me tell from experiance, you must be married to a cuban legally,and then go to the imagration office and inform them of your intentions then maybe you will be able to live in Cuba with him/her, good luck GC

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Posted: 20 October 2011 10:42 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 35 ]
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Is there any advantages to marrying in Canada as opposed to Cuba? Would that save on any of the costs?

Maybe I should start a new topic discussion.

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