http://havanajournal.com/culture/entry/wed_in_cuba_she_loves_me_not/

HavanaJournal.com: Cuba Culture

Wed in Cuba: She loves me not

Posted October 14, 2003 by publisher in Cuba Culture.
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BY TRACEY EATON | The Dallas Morning News

Marriages between foreigners and Cubans have skyrocketed, and while many relationships succeed, many others fail—sometimes by design.

HAVANA—Ted Oswick has heard the tales of woe. Older men venture into Cuba and marry young, beautiful women, only to be dumped once they get back home. But Oswick said he is sure that his romance with a Havana maid is for real.

‘‘I see men in their 60s with teenagers and it sickens me,’’ said Oswick, an information technology worker from England. “But I’m not that much older than my girlfriend. I’m 54 and she’s 37. We’re both adults and we have a genuine relationship.’‘

The number of marriages between foreigners and Cubans has skyrocketed since the early 1990s, when the socialist government turned to tourism to save its economy. but while many relationships succeed, many others fall apart, leaving a trail of heartache, shattered hopes and betrayal.
Foreign diplomats who grant travel visas to couples say differences in customs, language and age can lead to trouble.

‘NAIVE’ ABOUT LOVE

‘some men figure, `I’m 50 years old. When am I ever going to have a woman who’s 20 again?’ So they get married,’’ said a European diplomat, speaking on condition of anonymity. “But these men are naive. Not that many 20-year-olds are really in love with someone who could be their father or grandfather.’‘

Joaqun Perez found out about that the hard way. He was 71 when he traveled to Cuba from Spain, looking for love. He thought he found it in a woman who was then 28.

‘‘she always told me that the age difference didn’t matter and that she liked mature men,’’ Perez said in a letter posted in the Spanish Embassy as a warning to his countrymen.

A MARRIED MAN

A few months after their marriage, the woman stole his car and abandoned him, he alleged in the letter.

Women have sad stories of their own.

Yuneisy Perez, 29, married a Mexican man, only to find out that he already had a wife.

‘‘I ended up living in an apartment he rented for me in Mexico, but he seldom slept there,’’ she said. “After almost a year, I fled and moved in with a Mexican family. He found me and had me deported to Cuba.’‘

Foreigners can’t take Cuban women from the island without a government-sanctioned letter of invitation requiring them to pay the Cubans’ expenses abroad. Some Cubans traveling to Portugal get off the plane in Madrid, leaving their foreign lovers out to dry. But the men are often so ashamed that they don’t report it.

‘‘They keep it quiet in the hope that no one will find out,’’ a European diplomat said.

In one case, a foreigner spent $50,000 on a Cuban woman in just two weeks, he said.

‘‘Meanwhile, she slept with at least three of his friends, got a job at a casino and dumped him,’’ the diplomat said. “He called me, asking how he could have her expelled from the country. But that couldn’t be done.’‘

Cuban officials could not provide any figures on marriages between foreigners and Cubans, but scattered evidence suggests a dramatic increase.

Only 15 Spaniards married Cubans in 1990, the Spanish newspaper El Pas reported in 1997. That number shot to 670 by 1993 and to 1,190 by 1996, a year when 117,000 Spaniards of both sexes visited the island.

Today, Spain and Italy each record between 1,000 and 1,500 such marriages a year, diplomats say. Mexico, Canada, Germany and Portugal also see a considerable number, they say.

Certainly, tens of thousands of Cuban women—and some men—have married foreigners in the past decade, diplomats say.

Some Cuban men complain that foreigners are plundering the island of its greatest natural resource—its women.

ANNUAL VISIT

That would be people like Jorge Represa, a tourist from Spain, who says he visits Cuba every year in hope of finding a partner. ‘‘Yes, I want to get married. I want someone to take care of me,’’ said Represa, 67, who currently is seeing Yania Fabar, a 30-year-old from Havana.

Cuban officials play down the phenomenon, saying that when the Soviet Union was the country’s chief sponsor, scores of islanders married Russians and other foreigners.

Now most visitors are from Europe and Latin America, said one official, who requested anonymity, “so it’s no surprise that there are marriages. And most marry for love. I don’t agree that most Cubans marry foreigners because they disagree with the political system or want to leave the country. That’s a distortion.’‘

HORROR STORIES

But Cubans say they hear plenty of horror stories about marriages gone bad.

‘‘I know of one Cuban woman who married a man from Saudi Arabia,’’ a woman from Havana said. “She slept with his brother, and he traded her for a camel.’‘

‘‘Yeah, I’ve heard that story,’’ said another Cuban, Olga Medina, 27. “Did you hear about the Italian who put his Cuban wife in a cage? He fed her bananas and invited his friends to watch and make fun of her.’‘

No one knows how many of these stories are true, but it’s top-drawer gossip in a country torn between revolution and the encroaching outside world. Despite such experiences, some Cubans remain intent on snagging a foreigner.

PRAYING FOR A HUSBAND

‘‘Every night, I hope and pray to the Virgin of Charity that I will find a husband who will take me from Cuba,’’ a 25-year-old Havana woman said.

And sometimes there is a happy ending. Yordanka Sarmientos, 26, a former teacher who was visiting home, readily admits that she married a Spaniard ‘‘for pure convenience’’ because she wanted to live abroad.

But ‘‘once I was living in Spain, I fell in love with him and he with me,’’ she said, and they have been together since.

Member Comments

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On April 07, 2004, samuel mantenguah wrote:

i really madly in love with cuban girls
and dying to have one as a wife.
 

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On April 07, 2004, samuel mantenguah wrote:

i really madly in love with cuban girls
and dying to have one as a wife.
 

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On April 07, 2004, samuel mantenguah wrote:

i really madly in love with cuban girls
and dying to have one as a wife.
 

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On September 18, 2004, Jerry Millsapps wrote:

I have been looking at pictures of single Cuban women who want a man from overseas, and they are for the most part very beautifull. If I were single, I would start writing to them myselfe. But I do not know if I want another forigne borne wife. My wife cried for two years, and wanted to go back home to her native Philippenes every other day after I got her over here.

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On December 03, 2004, obinna osadeb wrote:

l will love to meet a cuban girl one day
so if you can help me just send me a letter of invitation
thank you
obinna

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On April 09, 2005, carrie wrote:

Does anyone know how old you have to be to marry in cuba? I am in love with a cuban man, but suspect am still under the legal age… can anyone help?

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On November 15, 2006, MICHAEL DAPICE wrote:

how do i get a woman and her daughter from cienfuegos,cuba to Orlando,fl ?? does she start “paperwork” in cuba ? do i start “paperwork” in the u.s. ? and if yes…......where does the “paperwork” start ?  her ex-huband has authorized her to leave cuba with their daughter and has promised to sign all paperwork. I NEED DIRECTION….HELP ME IF YOU KNOW WHERE TO START ??  thank you…ciao

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On November 16, 2006, publisher wrote:

Michael,

Ever hear the saying “No good deed goes unpunished”.

If you need direction, I would suggest turning 180 degrees and continue in that direction.

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On November 16, 2006, MICHAEL DAPICE wrote:

exuse me ............i guess i’m not as articulate as i thought i was. what the heck are you saying or suggesting, really? with re: to your last paragraph? i want to get a woman and child from there to here. whats the problem? ” do a 180 and continue…..............” i’m lost!!!!!  even more now!  michael

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On November 16, 2006, publisher wrote:

It means that you should turn around and forget about it.

Unfortunately there are many scam artists in Cuba that will do and say ANYTHING to get off the island.

I have heard many stories about Cubans seducing people into helping them or marrying them only to be left heart broken months later.

Please ask other people for their opinions.

Try http://CubaMania.com forums for more (different) advice.

Good luck.

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On July 09, 2007, Sam Charlestein wrote:

I worked six months to bring a twenty six year girl to America and I am in my seventys. She constanly told me how much she loved me in her emails and phone calls. I spent about 30,000.00 dolors on her. She was in my house for two hours when she told me she was in love with some one else and left the next day. Needless to say I was broken hearted, but there is no fool like an old fool.

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On July 10, 2007, publisher wrote:

Sam,

Thanks for sharing your story. Maybe you just saved someone else from spending $30k.

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On February 22, 2008, Uche Onyeka wrote:

I am looking for a Cuban woman between the ages of 25 to 35 for marriage. I am a young man of 26 from Nigeria. I promise to show you love and care.

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On February 23, 2008, Mako wrote:

To quote that famous American author Lewis Grizzard, ” Next time I get an urge to get married…to keep matters simpler;  I’ll just find a woman I hate ... and go buy her a house ”  grin

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On February 24, 2008, manfredz wrote:

a 70 yr odl that marries a 26 yr old and expects it to last/work is gotta be either naive or senile .....

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On March 12, 2008, Berardina wrote:

WARNING TO FOREIGN MEN OR WOMEN MARRYING CUBANS - one of my family members who was 42 married a much younger Cuban woman who has given him nothing but trouble since he married her.  He is now in the process of getting a divorce.  Do yourself a favour ... turn around and don’t look back.

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On March 13, 2008, Yeyo wrote:

I understand this forum is about Cuba and I pretty much share the same opinions as the publisher about being cautious with potential scam artists out there.

However, I would like to remind everybody that Cuba is not the only country with scam artists and women pledging their love for money, as a matter of fact, this kind of people are everywhere, and you can find lots of them in the US.

How many women here had married their “adored” husbands only for their money?
And how many had later even killed them to keep their money?

There are a couple of simple rules, what looks too good to be true is likely only that and everybody should be completely sure of the person they are sponsoring before making a commitment.

The problem is that many of the men that had been lied to, simply went to Cuba, spent a week, met a lady they found on the street couple of times and later spent thousands trying to bring her home. In some cases they have not even met them in person but found them in chat rooms on the internet and after a few chat sessions they thought those women were madly in love with them.

In many of those cases there is a huge age gap, some times over 40 years of age difference.

People should know better.

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On April 26, 2008, Frank wrote:

I have traveled the world and seen many cultures, but the god’s honest truth of all of this is that it is all just “common sense”. I have learned a simple rule in such things, and it applies to any foreign relationship ... if the man or woman is out of your league in your home country - than you are tempting fate. Let’s face it, except is rare cases, a man or women 20 years or more younger than you has ulterior motives. It is fodder to believe otherwise. Use common sense. Foriegn relationships do work, and I know from personal experience, but the relationship has to be based on reality. Cuban, and other latin cultures, have great values and ideals and should be commended for thier attitudes in love and life, and it is easy to love them and thier culture. Marry a woman you can relate to ... similar age, etc. and fall in love with her for who she is. I use a general rule of 10 to 15 years difference as a max. If you seek a “trophy wife” that is what you will get will all that entails. If a woman seeks a “boy toy” don’t expect anything more from him later. Be realistic and use the same judgement you would in your own country. If you do this you have a pretty good chance of succeeding.

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On January 12, 2009, Mark wrote:

Lots of great advice. I am 39 and was approached by a hot hard-bodied cuban dancer and she’s 25 (hey, that’s only 14 years, thanks Frank!)

Seriously, I sort of know her after a few visits to Cuba now and this time around she flat out admitted she is trying to get into Canada and sincerely pleaded for my help. Honestly I’m a “looker” myself but I’m not built like those male dancers she works with so you might say she could be out of my league physically too so I do see the red flags.

I have to admit, the temptation IS there and since I’ve never been married, the idea of taking the chance is quite tempting considering divorces are almost to be expected yet can be FAR more expensive. We’ll see if she emails me back!

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On January 12, 2009, Lee wrote:

Mark. i met my fiance 5 years ago. i was 45 and american, she was 25 and Cuban.
getting her to Los Angeles was almost devastating ($70,000. and a nine year prison sentence in cuba, i only served 3 days). she has been here for two years now and i couldn’t be happier. i have never been loved so deeply, and all my skeptical friends are all very envious and truly in love with her.
We argue, she is latina and passionate, but it is with love and respect. Although i was dating younger girls in when we met, certainly my fiance could have had any guy she wanted in Havana, but she choose me. i’ve dated many woman in my life and have a good BS radar. Trust your instincts, i know many people including publisher will disagree with me. But, our love and dedication had been an inspiration to many people, mainly due to her integrity. i say turn on your radar and go for it.
Cuban woman make great loyal partners, i have seen many examples here in LA. Our story has been turned into a book, due out next fall, and a movie currently being written. i recommend a cuban wife to all.

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On January 12, 2009, Frank wrote:

Only 14 years? Well than I suppose you are in good shape!I think 14 years is close to the limit, but I have had a few girlfriends in my day that are 10-15 years younger and there is no quesstion that Latinas have the insane ability to prefer older men for thier stability and common sense. Typically the red flags are pretty easy to spot. How long before she mentions marriage? How long before she asks about your job, where you live, or what you drive (sound familiar, huh? hahahaha) as is typical for an American woman trying to quickly size you up. Generally, if she speaks of relationships and taking time to know you, and doesn’t come right out of the gate with the fishing expedition you just might have yourself a winner. But just like a gringa, if she comes out quickly with family hardship (money), sizing you up for job etc., or in a hurry to marry - I’d be a little cautious.

Here’s the good news… if you marry and sign a prenup in her country when the time comes the rule of land where you marry prevails for the most part. The Dominican Republic is super male-friendly in this regard (note to be taken). And let’s face it, if she is willing to sign a prenup you just might have the real thing. I’d run with it and see where this takes you, but always keep your eyes open to the subtle signs. Another example is if every time you visit here… if she spends all your time out partying with you and her friends (on your dime naturally), and has a need to shop for a new purse or shoes every time you arrive… rather than spend some peronal time in the hotel (wink, wink) than I would be cautious. In either case I wish you luck and I hope it works out for you.

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On January 13, 2009, Mark wrote:

Frank and Lee

Thanks for your optimistic words, I spent hours yesterday looking for success stories and all I got were failures. Sorry to hear about the prison term, that must have been the ultimate test. As far as prenups go, you’re right that if she signs, then she’s for real.

Well, nothing actually happened between us more than friendship and after experiencing true love for 2 years that ended recently, I know the difference between that and infatuation. 3 years ago I was more naive to that. She’s a hot girl but also with a head on her shoulders and I admire her honesty. I think she is drawn to me because I wasn’t trying to hit on her like the other guys in the resort, in fact I kind of cut in whenever there was too much for her. She did exhibit physical signs that it was okay for me to hit on her but I held back. I wanted to keep it as friends due to my connection to the resort she dances at, but I will admit that the idea of falling in love is something I would like to see happen. Maybe there is something to this that will develop and I won’t close the door to it, especially after hearing your stories and advice. However I’m a firm believer that true love will only happen after the months (or years) and money spent going through the process and actually living with her for a period of time, so I can see why it would be so difficult to convince the authorities that the love is genuine.

She emailed me yesterday and gave me some contact info of cuban friends of hers who live in my town. She seems to think there is a way to get her here without marriage but from my research, that’s impossible.

Again, thank you guys for responding, I kind of feel alone in all this.

She never asked about my job, car or money. She just laughs with me and likes things about me that has nothing to do with material wealth or security.

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On January 13, 2009, Lee wrote:

mark
nothing wrong with doing another human being a favor, like marriage. it’s a horrible existence they have to endure. bring her over, freedom is a beautiful gift. then you can see if anything develops and how real it is. just don’t get too involved, financially. you’re not alone dude. Of course all you hear about are the failures, those guys are pissed, they need to vent. help her, just protect yourself.

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On February 01, 2009, brother wrote:

2 years ago my brother went to cuba with friends and met a cuban girl of which he fell for. He went back to see her and the relationship started. He phoned every week and sent her money with the intetention of bringing her back to the uk. She asked for £800 for a visa so she could leave the country of which he gladly sent. Funny enough she said she couldnt get a real visa only a false one but now the money has gone. ( ALARM BELLS RINGING ) . My brother then went back to cuba to marry this girl which cost £6000. He then came back to the Uk and carried on sending money. She said that she would apply for a holiday visa which costs £120 dollars so she will come back for 6 months. He has now sent it over 5 times to her and now the stories start. She couldnt go the embassy because her nan was dieing . The weather was really bad. she was in hospital. Her kids were bad . She had no money to live on . Some one stole it. Countless lies and stories . After eveyone telling him the obvious he decided to go out there again to find out that she spent all the money on food and has bleed him dry. All the sob stories the ones that pull your heart strings were used to get his money. There is over 25 years difference in age and for all you men who read this stop and think : What does a 25 year old cuban girl see in a old man who is old enough to be her dad. YES YOU GOT IT !!!! MONEY !!!!! nothing else.  No one wants to be loney but you will end up that way and very much hurt and humillated and broke. Yes they live in bad conditions out there but they dont no any different so dont feel sorry for them and let your feelings get mixed up and pitty them. My brother came back broken hearted while she carried on life as normal. Total loss in money is in excess of £20,000 . MONEY WILL NOT BUY YOU LOVE.

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On February 02, 2009, texasfree wrote:

For those who read all these stories of being used and lost love after so much time, money invested in marrying a Cuban please read this.  I not only fell deeply in love with my wife in Havana but we are very happily married and living well as we move to our 2nd year of marriage later this year.

Yes, there are many, many sad stories that you will read but ours is amazing and positive.  We are both very spiritual & religious people and have connected in ways I never have with anyone else in my life. 

The level of education and spirituality in all humans truly determines their intent.  If you are meeting someone with nothing to lose or leave behind in terms of their own lives—move on and trust your instincts.

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On March 24, 2009, northwestern wrote:

I visit Cuba for my holidays every year since 2005, I have been going with my ex husband and we have made quiet a few friends there, everyone automatically assumed we were married, I started to write to one Cuban man whose wife and family we met while there, last year a few of them was asking where my husband was when I was alone on the beach, I decided it was time to tell them the truth, that we are divorced and I have been single since 2003, they looked shocked but I was still treated the same, well one Cuban man had been getting close to me before he knew the truth but he his married and I will only ever be his friend, his letters have changed though, now he writes muchos besos por ti and amor ( but he also knows that one of the hotel workers when he found out I was single asked me to marry him and live with him in Cuba). I have got to know these Cubans for 4 years and I always take things for them, I have been to their casas and we have eaten and socialised with them, they really are lovely they might not have much but they are very kind and polite people. This year I am returning alone but at least I got to know them before I told them I was single and I think of them as mis amigos.

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On April 07, 2009, havanafun wrote:

THE CUBANAS ARE NADE TO STAY ON THE ISLAND.NEVER MAKE THE MISTAKE TO MARRY A CUBANA

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On April 07, 2009, northwestern wrote:

I know Cubans who have married and left the Island, so how can you say they are made to stay on the Island, I don’t know anyone who has married a Cuban hombre and lived on the Island with him, I wonder If they are happy, surely marrying a Cuban man can’t be such a bad mistake, The ones I have met seem to be decent men.

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On April 07, 2009, Yeyo wrote:

There are wonderful women in Cuba like in any other country, the problem are not the Cubanas, the problem is that is you are dumb to choose a woman, doesn’t matter what is the country of origin.

No matter what woman you choose, think twice before commiting and you would have less problems in the long run.

Risks, there are always risks, but the better you choose the less risks you would have.

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On April 07, 2009, havanafun wrote:

THE CUBANAS ARE MADE TO STAY INSIDE THE PRISON NAMED CUBA
EVEN CHE HAVE SAID THAT THIS PEOPLE CAN NOT BE INSIDE RULES
NEVER MAKE THE MISTAKE TO MARRY A CUBAN/CUBANA AND TAKE HIM/HER IN YOUR COUNTRY

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On April 07, 2009, Yeyo wrote:

You obviously tried and failed. Hopefully most people would NOT agree with you.

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On April 08, 2009, havanafun wrote:

obviously the cubana tried and failed to live in normal rythms(and not vacations rythms like in cuba spending money everywhere and anytime for helados,refrescos etc)of the rest part of western world

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On April 08, 2009, Yeyo wrote:

That’s the kind of cubana you choose. But believe most cubanas are not like that. They are hardworking and honest.

You can find that easygoing king of girls anywhere in the world including in your own contry.

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On April 08, 2009, havanafun wrote:

cubanas dreaming 1)to have a husband abroad sending money to them
                    2)to stay in cuba with their families living her husband   alone
                    3)collecting cuc each week by using the atm machine
                      4)is better life from this?

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On April 09, 2009, Yeyo wrote:

No time to respond to dumb comments.

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On April 09, 2009, havanafun wrote:

when you are in havana go and spend one morning in front of a ATM machine to see how many cubanas go over ther and using foreign cashcards collecting money/how is possible all of them be married and living in cuba?its a common practice.they try to have their husbands abroad and themselves in cuba for making vacations

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On April 09, 2009, northwestern wrote:

You seem to be very bitter against Cuban woman,  in-fact all woman,  I suppose being a man you’re biased,  men treat woman badly too, but not all men do.  But being a man you wouldn’t understand that.  I agree with Yeyo in all that he has said.

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On April 09, 2009, Yeyo wrote:

Many Cubans, Cubanas and Cubanos have money in the bank and use their cards on the ATM machines. I personally know many people, some members of my own family, friends and others that have ATM cards and that does not means that are receiving money from their husbands/wives outside of Cuba.

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On April 09, 2009, northwestern wrote:

Well said Yeyo.

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On April 09, 2009, havanafun wrote:

i mean when they make transactions with foreign cashcards.
for sure i know that cubans have accounts in cuc and using atm
but is different to see cubanas using foreign cashcards and collecting huge ammounts of cuc each time( 100 CUC AND MORE)when you know that monthly salary in cuba is 10-19 cuc

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On April 09, 2009, northwestern wrote:

You must live a very boring life if you stand at the ATM machines watching the cabanas, it sounds like you are stalking these women.

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On April 09, 2009, havanafun wrote:

no i was watching them when i was drinking my coffe in the mornings in pasteleria before i go to santa maria playa:))

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On April 09, 2009, Yeyo wrote:

What do you mean by cashcards?  Do you mean Credit Cards? If that is the case I also happen to know many people with credit cards in Cuba, and by the way while I agree that in general the salaries in Cuba are very low, 100 CUC is not a lot of money if you consider the cost of the hotels, rental cars etc. Obviously most people does not receive large amounts of money but many people do have money in the bank and foreign credit cards from different sources.

Even groceries at the hard currency groceries stores are very expensive and therefore with 100 CUC you would probably buy less that what you can get in other countries.

I can see that you are very desapointed with a relation you had in Cuba. But again, that your ex was not what you hoped doesn’t mean that the rest of the women in Cuba are the same.

Once again let me point that there are “bad” women and men everywhere but there are also a lot of very good people everywhere, the main issue is to choose well.

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On April 09, 2009, havanafun wrote:

you comfuzing life of cubans and life of tourists in cuba
cubans can not go and buy food in super markets in miramar because they need 100 cuc at least/they sure dont care to rent a car or go to a hotle/because this is for tourists/so dont make the mistake to compare lifes of tourists and cubans

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On April 09, 2009, Yeyo wrote:

You are the one that is confusing the life of the tourists and the Cubans, certainly not many Cubans have the means to rent a car or go to a Hotel. However many Cubans does have the means to do it, just go to Varadero and you would see many Cubans staying at expensive hotels there, which by the way some times are more expensive for them that for the foreigners.

As to the supermarkets in Miramar is the same thing most of the people that go there are actually Cubans. While not the majority of Cubans, certainly there are lot of Cubans with money to buy that kind of stuff.

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On April 27, 2009, maria1979 wrote:

i have recently returned from cuba. a friend of the family i stayed with took my friends scuba diving (he is a qualified instructor) and then ended up becoming our guide/driver/organiser/companion for the rest of the trip. he’s very educated (judging by his conversations) and runs several businesses (which we say ourselves). we had a brief fling while i was there and i expected that to be it when i returned to the uk. except he’s been texting and calling every day. i am trying to figure out what the scam might be but am struggling. he doesn’t need me to get out of the country as he can get a spanish passport (his mom is spanish), and from what i could see he doesn’t need money…. nor do i have any! in true latino style he’s talking about love and forever… i’m a very suspicious and realistic person and am taking it all with a pinch of salt. but i don’t want to be unfair if he’s been genuine. is there any way that i can figure out if this is a scam, and if so what kind of scam? any tests or tell-tale signs?? i’m very very reluctant to believe that a 40 year old experienced man would fall in love in 5 days…...

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On May 02, 2009, northwestern wrote:

I was in a different situation as the Cuban men I met assumed I was married to the man I was with and I let them believe it, only 1 of them knew he was my ex so it gave me 4yrs which to socialise and get to know them and their families, but when they asked me last year while I was alone on the beach where my husband was it was then I told them I was not married and I was single. I was proposed to while I was there last year and he asked me to live in Cuba with him, I was surprised by this I always thought they wanted to get out of Cuba but not all of them want to leave, but like you I keep thinking is this a scam or his he genuine.  He his a lovely guy and for the 4yrs I have known him he has always been kind and caring towards me,  I return to Cuba later this year on my own this time, I am a realistic person and like to take my time to get to know someone.  Why don’t you keep him as a friend and see how it goes, Go back and see him.  Ask him where he would like to live if he proposes to you if he says UK it could be a scam, tell him you don’t have any money. It seems very quick for love after only 5 days. Go with your instincts good luck.

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On May 03, 2009, maria1979 wrote:

Thanks for your comments Northwestern. I will do what you said and try to get to know him…. see where it all goes i guess. I’ve actually quit my job in the UK to become a volunteer, which was in my plans ages ago. He knows this means I will have even less money that I have now and it still has not deterred him. He wants to live in Cuba, but because he knows that would be hard for me he’s suggested 6 months there and 6 months in Italy—he has business connections in Italy, so could make a life there more easily than in the UK. He’s already applied for his Spanish passport. I am starting to believe that there’s no scam involved…. just a crazy cuban man that’s allowed his latino passion to take over his otherwise sensible head. Either way, my skeptical realistic self is staying true to form. WIth your experience of Cuba, do you know if there are any opportunities for an english teacher or any other kind of volunteer work over there???? Thanks again.

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On May 06, 2009, northwestern wrote:

Hi maria
If you go on to the Internet and type in volunteer work in Cuba it gives you volunteer work there, it is something I’m considering doing. the more you tell me of this cubano it seems he is genuine, I have my fingers crossed for you, but stay realistic until you are sure he is the one for you and you are not heading for heartache, If he moves to Italy it will be nearer for you to go and see him until you are sure. I wish you good luck and hope everything goes well for you and your Cubano. Let me know how things go for you. Not all of them are trying to pull a scam there are plenty of genuine guys in Cuba.

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On June 19, 2009, scottie29 wrote:

i want to invite my cuban girlfriend to england, i have been with her for 2 years now & things are good, does anyone know the cost of this process of letter of invitation, thanks

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On June 23, 2009, AdvisorX wrote:

It is sad that one has to be careful about ill intent as a cause for concern about forming a relationship and more so for out of country relationships
because of unique obligations that one takes on when they marry and
bring a spouse to their home country.  But the first rule applies no matter
where you form a relationship…....know thy friend and let your friend know
you before either of you commit to marry a person either of you don’t know.
Be open, honest and your self when you are with your acquaintance. Be
the same with your self because many of us from illusions land of TV, movies,
etc. are great in living in the grand deception but lousy in accepting reality.
So don’t lie to your self.  Be truthful with your self. Think of her, she is going to be your wife and that will be your role. She is X years yonger, what will life be for her in x years ahead when you are even older.  Is she a woman of substance that can tough out your less attractive declining years? When you treat her well, is she reciprocating.  The hardest thing for a liar is living the truth.  Give the person room to show their bad side, kind of rope to hand their self.  Don’t expect it or feed it, let them be their self and experience their character.  This is not fool proof but most deceivers are amateurish and show their hand.  That is the reason casino’s win most of the time.  People think they are smarter than the casino and the casino loves them to think this because it keeps them coming back to bet.  Be the dumb one for a period of time, let the other person’s ego show it’s ugliness if it exists.  I was pressuring my Cuban woman friend to sing on one area of an immigration visitors visa and she told me no and bucked me on it and then we went to the interpreter and she was correct.  My ego was the problem not hers.  Let the other person be their self and expect the usual conflicts and see how you both work these out.  There is no nervana or utopia in relationships.  I met a 55 yr old Cuban woman married to a Canadian that has no interest in visiting Cuba anymore, she looked quite unhappy about this because her son is lives in Cuba, he is a chef in a hotel and loves his life in Cuba. Her husband is an Canadian engineer and he loves to travel to Europe and she likes Europe but home is where you children live.  She was intellectual and we talked politics about Canada and the US becoming more socialist but in a bad way.  The degrading behaviours that the North American youth are learning from watching TV, movies, internet, porn, degrading the elderly, all the lower behaviours that are not allowed in Cuba.  The truth is that Cuban’s generally have better moral values around family than many Canadian and Americans.  I do counselling so I say that with some knowledge of their behaviours. So we who want love in our lives struggle with jadism, suspicion, fear, naivity, demands to learn about someone in a foreign environment, and much more.
To have love requires the opposite so we must learn to hold back and temper our minds reactions to the unknown and give fair chance to the other person to demonstrate their love but damn it we must also express love to them after all they have a difficult task to decide also and they want love also.
I think that if you are developing a relationship with a church going religious person then you are reducing your risk factor considerably but one has to accept that disallusionment with one’s current circumstances including not having a permanent married relationship with a partner can overwhelm one’s common sense when love is expressed to you, and love is only the cement in a relationship, the building blocks must be there also and a sound base to build a relationship on.  Know each other’s history and expectations out of your partner and what you personnally are willing to give to your partner.
Get involved in some of your friend’s daily routine and see how they interact with others.  Are they social beings?  Are they afraid to others?  What are their fears and bug a boos.  Will you be able to handle their personality traits
for life?  This is the reason that being with them for a month of more is of benefit within their setting.  You can assess some of the lifestyle differences and discuss these so that they know in advance the coming changes should you marry and they immigrate to your country.  And know that for the first two years there will be major adjustments as you both get used to responding to each other and the higher demands and pressures will be on the Cuban spouse to adopt to their new environment including loss of family, language, culture, friends, etc..  Will your friend make the best of the worst situations that will befall one or both of you in your married life?  or will they be unable to handle the heat?  Cubans are known to be adaptive, 50 years of embargo and the loss of their Russian supported economic wellbeing has forced them to be adaptive.  For them they only have one way to go…up. We now face an economic crisis worse than that of the great depression. Socialism is the new way in America and so Cuban’s come from this. Maybe we will be advantaged by having a spouse that can guide us through that socialist system as they are the experienced ones.  God only knows and you will need His help to make a good match so blessings on your choice.  Jim

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On June 25, 2009, william online conveyancing quote wrote:

Nothing wrong with doing another human being a favor, like marriage. it’s a horrible existence they have to endure. bring her over, freedom is a beautiful gift. then you can see if anything develops and how real it is. just don’t get too involved, financially. you’re not alone dude. Of course all you hear about are the failures, those guys are pissed, they need to vent. help her, just protect yourself.nice blog keep it up.

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On June 25, 2009, AdvisorX wrote:

Thank you for your encouragement.  One has to measure whether doing another a favour leaves them in a worse situation than they were in.  The road of good intent is paved with miserable failures.  A woman with a child
that ends up in a foreign country with no family nor friends can end up with a ruined child.  I am considering the child first and her second and me third in my assessment of what is best.  A child that becomes unstable can make the
parents life miserable especially at adolescence.  Would I like to help her come to Canada?  Yes, I went to Cuba for a week to help her through Canadian Immigration but they turned her down.  So it is out of my hands at this point.  I wanted her in Toronto to learn about the stresses of our society and what living with my offside character is like so she had a realistic experience to decide to marry or not but that learning was quashed. Marriage is not a favour except for prostitutes and they charge for that favour. As a Catholic I will only marry a woman for life and I just found out since my posting she has been divorced twice so I am concerned about her capacity to tough things out, and marriage is tough.  So I am going back to see and know her better and to see if we should move forward or end it.  I do not want this to drag on especially because the 11 year old is affected by this decision and there are other that need to leave Cuba as a good deed, as you said, that may be a more suitable lifetime partner.  I agree that there are persons that are pissed off that have been taken advantage of that write in here and there are more on North American websites that tell about NAmerican women that have done the same as some Cuban woman have.  But men rip off women including in my country so are we to base our decisions on the smaller numbers or go for the greater experience?  Love is where you find her not where you want her to be.  To love.  AdvisorX

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On July 02, 2009, Mark wrote:

Scottie - it’s not a simple answer. Lets just say if you’re paying for it all, count on spending about $300 plus return airfare but the process takes a lot more explanation. Go to http://www.cubaamore.com and http://www.cubamania.com for tons of info. You can’t post on cubaamore because for some reason the administrator is AWOL but most of the time if you pm a regular member they will post for you. You can still become a member. Just brace yourself for the negative responses, there’s a lot of bitter people on that site who married a cuban and got screwed over. Someone will actually come out and say something like “don’t even bother, it’s never going to work!” or “You’re dating a cuban? What’s your problem???”... seriously! Without a moderator, it’s like the kindergarten teacher leaving the classroom unattended!

Anyway I’m ranting. Good luck and keep us posted.

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On July 10, 2009, havanafun wrote:

THIS IS dime porque te sientes mal cada ves que llegas a mi
> casa?
> te tratan mal o que? , que pasa?
> yo me siento mal y estoy deprimida porque no te tengo
> ,cada ves que me siento a comer , que voy a hacer algo ,
> pienso en ti y ahi mismo , se me quita el ambre , los deseos
> de hacer algo ,olle que no es fasil ,es muy difisil para mi
> todo esto y cuando veo que no consigo trabajo me pongo
> peor.
> empieso a pensar cosa , que me vas a olvidar , tu
> sabes por el tiempo , ahora no se nada , estoy como loca ,
> estoy al renunciar a todo esto .
> pero pienso y me doy cuenta que cuba esta peor , creo
> que no me puedo rendir todavia, pero no es fasil , papi , me
> estoy volviendo loca y aun , no he llegado como aquel que
> dice.
> Se como te debes estar sintiendo tu , pero no es sobre
> tus hombros que esta toda la responsabilidad que siento
> sobre mi, es mi familia, tu que eres la persona que quiero a
> mi lado , es todo , es el futuro , el tiempo, la edad , son
> muchas cosas y mi mente funsionando , me vuelvo loca y lo
> ceo todo difisil , tu no lo entiendes tal ves, pero no es
> fasil.
> Solo tengo claro que te amo y que te quiero , mas nada
> , pero al mismo tiempo , no se si tu vas a tener la
> fortaleza que se necesita para soportar esto, eres joven lo
> se y por eso temo , te quiero , pero no puedo obligarte a
> nada .
> estoy aqui respondeme por favor , te quiero mucho mi
> bebe .
> tu mujer, yordy
A LETTER THAT MY CUBAN WIFE SENDS TO HER BOYFRIEND IN CUBA:

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On July 11, 2009, MOBILJIM wrote:

I HAVE HAD MANY “LOVE EXPERIENCES IN LIFE"ESPECIALLY CUBAN & DOMINICAN !
I HAVE MARRIED & ANNULLED HAVE 2 CHILDREN IN THEIR 20’S AND A SIX MONTH BABY.I HAVE BEEN GOING TO THE DR SEVERAL TIMES A YEAR FOR 25 YRS.& CUBA SINCE 1991.I TRIED TO TAKE A CUBANA TO THE Dr(a 3 yr process)ONLY TO BE REJECTED BY THE DOMINICANS(NO APPEAL FOR CUBANS).PRIOR TO THIS,BECAUSE I DIDNOT MARRY THIS WOMEN(WHICH SHE WANTED)SHE SPENT 1YR.IN JAIL & 1 YR HOUSE ARREST BECAUSE THE LAW CHANGED ABOUT 5YRS.AGO THAT CUBANS ARE NOT ALLOWED TO HAVE RELATIONSHIPS WITH FORIEGNERS .THEY CAN BE FINED FOR TALKING TO YOU ALSO ! TALK MUST BE WORK RELATED ONLY ! WE HAD A “DECLARATION” FROM THE “PALACIO DE MATRIMONIO” THAT DECLARED OUR RELATIONSHIP AND THAT IT STARTED BEFORE THE LAW CHANGED.IN ADDITION SHE HAD HER PASSPORT BY THEN.
PS:WHEN YOU MARRY A “LATINA” YOU ALSO MARRY THE FAMILY & MOST ARE POOR !!!

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On January 09, 2010, Cevan wrote:

I recently travelled to Cuba and like many of the stories here I met a girl there I think is beautiful. She is 26 I am 47 but look like I 37. When we met she thought I was 35.  Most of the women I have dated have been younger than I. My BS meter is sensitive and well tuned. I was on the verge of getting married to an American 29.  Over the last two years I spent $30k or more on that relationship. I wished I had spent it in Cuba.  The notion of bringing a Cuban to America sounds like fun. I went back to Cuba spent a week with her and I loved every moment of it. She wants to leave Cuba she mentioned that from the start.  I don’t mind helping her but I am clear it is not a love thing. I consider her a friend if something comes of it then it does if it doesn’t then what is the difference from any other failed relationship.  While I was there she never asked me for much.  If she needed to go somewhere she would only take a couple bucks. She asked me to buy a couple can goods I think I spent $20 CUC on the things she asked for.  Her request where far more modest than most American women.  I think you should treat that relationship like you would any other.  Go into it with your eyes open with a good dose of common sense.  When I was in Cuba I went to her place and I would want to get out of there too.  I hope I learn to speak spanish out of it.  I am only willing to do the K-1 fiancee visa thing.  She is going to have to prove herself to me.  She doesn’t speak english and I don’t speak spanish. A friend translates for us or we us a computer translator.  The more questions you ask the more you talk about unrelated things the better chance you will have to know the real person. Hearts get broken every where. I am sure there are good and bad women in Cuba like everywhere else. Be smart and protect your heart.

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On January 09, 2010, AdvisorX wrote:

To:  #57
Thanks for your response.  Cuban women still have traditional approaches to their men where they take care of them in terms of grooming and affection, etc..  However, the mass mediums of communication (TV, Movies, etc) brainwash women in America to be materialistic and have unreasonable expectations of males and your Cuban woman will be influenced by this.  A woman you marry should be your best friend so if you make her your friend first and your friendship deepens and turns into marriage then increases the chances of a permanent marriage for life and if your friendship does not deepen to that degree…as you said…you have a friend for life…and often the best women we meet are introduced to us by “good” women friends. The best evaluation method you can use on any woman is to allow her to be herself and how she conducts herself with her family members and her friends and others within her culture and community.  She likely will not try to fool them.  You have to keep in mind that you are in an artificial situation because you are not working whilst there and she may not be either.  But in your home country then you both will and that brings pressures to the relationship that don’t exist on the vacation.  As the relationship deepens then the more important life issues will surface and conflicts will ensue and you both will not have the vocabulary to explain your mutual reasons for your positions that create the conflict and so it is very difficult to work out solutions between you both.  Start off with, “I think we may have a misunderstanding because of our language.  Let us try to discuss this another way.”  Keep in mind that words meanings change in different context.  ie: shit   Oh Shit! means different than “I need to take a shit right now!!!”.  My now common law wife is pregnant and in June, God willing, our child will be born.  We are both late in terms of age in having this baby so there is anxiety there.  If you can bring her natural organic body products because Cuban water, soaps, toothpaste, shampoo, teflon cookware and etc are all highly toxic and risk their reproduction capacity and risk of deformities in new borns.  Bring her organic multi vitamins and buy her goat meat as their diet is deficient in animal proteins that especially females need due to menstruation and ovulation.  Buy her bottled mountain spring water and drink it your self because their water both has parasites and excessive chlorine.  Get a piece of charcoal and put it in the water container and it wlll absorb the chlorine which has dioxins, the most deadliest substance known.  Bring her some cookware without teflon.  These chemicals produce cancers and if she gets ill in the US then you are responsible for 3 years.  Women will try to change her values once she gets to your country because they don’t want her to erode what they get from men, materialistically.  Keep in mind, like anything that you want to build, you start off with “good” sound materials, you bring in experienced skilled talent that is knowledgeable how to build what you need and you will likely get a quallity product or outcome, same with relationships.  Read about how to make 2nd marriages successful and apply these approaches…..and pray a lot because marriage is one bitch hard of a time for years and then it is great again….ups and downs…but in the downs you or she may want to pitch the relationship….but keep n mind that the next relationship will run the same.
Sex is only 10% of the relationship and I am sure that you need very few lessons there to learn how to do it with joy but the other 90% is a lot of work and struggle and upsets and you may think you are going to go insane at times putting up with it but if you seek wisdom from experienced married persons then you learn ways to bring balance to your realtionship.  Best wishes, AdvisorX

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On January 09, 2010, havanafun wrote:

good cubana= cubana that stays inside cuba

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On January 10, 2010, AdvisorX wrote:

To:  #59; 
Define “good”.
My definition is: “flows from God”.  (it is the word God with an extra “o” in it)
God made man and woman therefore the two sexes are good.
I notice that you apply a criteria a criteria to Cuban women only and not men.
That suggests to me that you have hatred in your heart against women.
The truth is that both sexes do good or bad but you only degrade women.
You are unable to love because you do not trust any women that are Cuban
and you trust men including men that will damage women. 
With trust comes risk and with risk comes the possibility of love.
So you trusted and you lost so did many Cuban women with Cuban men
and vice versa, as well as did many in our country(ies).
I hope you learn love and attract a loving woman as right now based on your statement you are hurting, angry and unloving towards woman and so I am sad for you.

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On January 10, 2010, Cevan wrote:

Sometimes fear will manifest itself by a person being mean and narrow minded.  The bible says perfect love cast out all fear.  I say this to say havanafun needs a hung and I don’t mean that is a mean way.

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On January 10, 2010, AdvisorX wrote:

#61
Thank you for clarifying your intent.
Perfect love is God and flows from God.
God’s perfect love is available to us and
by opening to His love then we have His
love to share with others. I am glad for
you that you have a relationship with God.
Are you open to His love and sharing His
love with a woman?
I have street and human sexuality counselling background and
in May was in Cuba and met a former street counsellor and he
was gays and prostitutes after 3 days of conversing with these
persons, I said to God, “I am fed up with being with gays and
prostitutes.  Please send me a “good” woman to be with.”  I
then walked two minites to the library concert hall in Santa Clara.
In peering into the concert hall through the doorway I realized that I was blocking the view of a woman and so I moved backwards so I was not blocking her sight lines into the concert hall.  I asked her what was the concert going to be and what she did for a living?  She said a musician in a small town symphony.  I went back to what was most important in my mind that I was going to see a free concert.  Suddenly, A voice in my head said, “What about her?”  My mind responded, “Oh, she will turn me down.”
“She said she is a musician so I will ask her where she is playing and I will go see her.”  I went the next night to her little town to see her perform in a concert and not knowing any spanish and her not knowing any english, we went in my taxi to the concert and end up in her church together, it turned out that the concert was 9AM and I thought it was 9PM and instead of ending up at the concert I ended up in church with her.  We are married and have a baby coming in June so…..the moral of the story is:  ask and you shall receive and God works in mysterious ways to give you what you need and not what you want.  Right now you need a loving relationship with God and your own self when you love your self in a healthy way then a woman will be attracted to your love as happened with me.  God bless you with love. AdvisorX

PS:  I was in Russia and asked God for a women that spoke english and I walked 10 fee and a woman appeared infront of me collecting money to educate homeless youth and I am a president of a charity for homeless youth. She spoke english and became my guide in russian only speaking St. Petersburg.  She was married to a man in Latvia that did the same charity work.  Do good works and open to God’s love and ask God for a loving woman.

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On January 11, 2010, Mako wrote:

I know many foreign men who have married Cuban women. I know few that have lasted

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On January 12, 2010, Cevan wrote:

That is a good point and it made me remember another sobering fact about Cuba. I met a pastor an American Pastor at the airport in Havana that has made marriage his mission in life. He informed me that the divorce rate in Cuba was nearly 80%.  Those numbers are some of the highest in the world.  There is a systematic problem with marriage on a whole in Cuba.  This has nothing to do with foreigners.  What ever marital problems that are native to Cuba are probably brought into many of the relationships with Cubans. I wonder do any of you guys have any ideal why the divorce rate is so high in Cuban.

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On January 12, 2010, Lee wrote:

my, Cuban, wife and I are expecting our first child in may. I met her in Havana and spent a load of $ and time bringing her to America…Well worth anything i could have gone through. Even with the cultural and age difference (i’m 20 yrs older) it is the best relationship i have had or seen. My friends and family love her. beautiful woman inside and out. Thinking of marrying a Cuban woman, i say take the chance. it may work out it may not, but Cuban people know what is important in life…FAMILY. At the very least you have helped another human being enrich their life. Good luck guys…or girls.

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On January 12, 2010, Lee wrote:

Cubans rarely marry, legally. they may say “my wife or my husband” but it is in most cases known that there was no legal contract. Even so, the reason for so many failed relationships is easy. There is limited housing in Cuba. When you find someone and “marry” chances are you will have to move in with your parents or hers. that dynamic will stress any relationship.

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On January 12, 2010, AdvisorX wrote:

I know many Canadian and American men and women and 50% have failed marriages and they married locals.  You want to build a house or car that will last then you start with “good” material.  Sometimes you buy good materials and the house you build still collapses but you reduce the odds of this happening.  You do everything you can to make sure that divorce won’t happen with a local woman but it does.  Most people do not know how to construct a marriage, that is the reason that many Christian churches began premaritual courses.  People enter marriages with TV/movie based expectations of marriage, especially in North America but Cubans live in poor conditions and learn to be creative to survive.  My wife will climb up on her roof to fix the clay tiles so rain stops coming in, in NAmerica they would call a roofer, everything is pay to get served here.  My wife preens me as she wants her husband to look his best, she will calm me when I am stressed because she wants me to live a long time.  The Cuban woman if you select well has traditional wife values of taking care of her man.  What I can expect is that when she gets to Canada is that the mass mediums and the government will tell her that she has rights and will pressure her to conform to the sociological
norms here and this creates conflicts in the marriage that did not exist when we were together in Cuba…..the question then is….will the partners sustain the marriage through their conflict…....if they need a marriage that is life long then yes….if marriage is not sacred to both then they will not have the religious pressure to remain together.  One of the reasons that Cuban divorce is rife is that they do not have a strong religious conviction that marriage is for life and is sacred.  The culture is that males will have sex outside their marriage and this invariably leads to divorce and creates distrust in the females of males that say they love them and marry them for life.  Multiple marriages are common in Cuba, therefore.  Conclusion, allow the potential mate to be their self, get to know their friends, observe how their friends interact with them and vice versa, are they respected, are the friends respectable persons, does you new acquaintance jump in bed, does your mate have religious conviction related to marriage,  what is going to keep you both forced to remain in a marriage when those envitable conflicts occur in your marriage between you?  The main reason many people stay together is that they have so much invested in their marriage relationship that what the couple has was earned and built by them both.  Credit takes this away because the couple has not earned that money and they live an easy life with lesser challenges…until it comes time to pay the piper (credit card co) then many marriages burst apart even if the marriage is two locals.  Look at what keeps you and your best buddy together.  Your struggles together and never abandoning each other and forgiveness.  Both spouses doing the same increase the chances of long term marriage.  Don’t expect happiness but expect partners in challenges faced in life, if you get through the challenges of life together then be happy for that even though the fact is that the challenges are horrible.  Do not let temptation of being attracted by an outsider giving you something that you spouse does not give you instead argue or explain to your spouse what needs are not being met and by the way at the same time ask your spouse what needs they have that are not being met by you.  A marriage is two way partnership.  Bye.

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On February 05, 2010, tero wrote:

can anyone help me? i have a girlfriend in cuba. she has let me know that she needs 300 british pounds per month for her, her son and mother. I think it is a little steep. She does not pay rent and lives with her mother. she says ordinary household things are expensive. Any advice?

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On February 05, 2010, Peter wrote:

My advice, based on 6 years of supporting my girlfriend in La Habana, is to do what you think is right and don’t worry about her request. She will be much better off than she is currently with much less.

If you care for her, send her $150 CUC per month. That is 7 times more than most Cubans earn per month. A doctor earns 660 cuban pesos/27 CUC per month. However, she is right, everything is very expensive in Cuba, so be careful how much you want to get involved, because the requests are neverending, and true. She wants/needs your support, but 300 pounds is way too much! She/you will also be supporting her mother and family members.

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On February 05, 2010, Lee wrote:

We send my in-laws $100 per month (three people), it more than takes care of their basic needs. 300pounds is a lot of money in Havana. the gov gives her two and a half weeks of food every month. i would be concerned that the request may be a sign…caution! unless as Peter says she’s using the money for others as well.

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On February 05, 2010, Lee wrote:

Sorry Tero,
i just re-read your post. she does take care of two other people. If for example she wants to take her son to a good dentist and not wait an extra 2 weeks and get antibiotics on the black market, she will have to pay 50CUC cash. all of those little things can add up with three people. i would just send her xtra on those months when she has incidentals…good luck. i hope her life’s burden gets lighter soon.

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On February 05, 2010, Peter wrote:

Don’t get too involved, unless you plan to marry her. She has a child and her Mother wants her daughter to get as much as possible to help the family.

How long have you known your girlfriend? How long have you been going to La Habana? It sounds like you have not been going there for too long, which is usually the case. They all need so much and they all ask for the same things. The Revolution has not really been much help on the economic side.

Our friend Lee is supporting his in-laws. Are you planning to get married and bring her to England. Maybe you need to spend more time in Cuba and with your girlfriend. If you were from Canada she would have requested $300 per month, in pounds I believe that is about 200 pounds.

Nonetheless, Cuban holidays are extremly expensive if you get/have a girlfriend, let alone a few, as they are beautiful. Most woman have children at the age of 18-20 and the Cuban father provides zero support and he may have children with three of four other woman.

Economically Cuba is a disaster, so if you are going to walk down that road, be prepared and realize that 300 pounds per month is just the beginning.

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On February 05, 2010, AdvisorX wrote:

Haiti’s economy is a disaster, Cuba’s is managed well given that the US embargo drives up import costs by 2-4 times, the US is a disaster right now compared to Cuba, people are being shut out of their homes and put into the streets and they can’t afford a medical doctor-dentist-drugs, let alone food. Cuba needs reform for many reasons but so do all other countries but each has need of different reforms.  One is that there is a lack of respect for pregnant women and the unborn child, that I have seen and experienced personally.  This may stem from the lack of single parent fathers in young people’s lives in Cuba as marriage is not something that they tend to stick to when it comes to permanent relationships and the children grow up without an actively involved father.  Tero, start off as friends and ask your self what is it that I would give to a new friend in my own country.  Then move slowly over the next two years to a higher status for her with you.  She wants you to see her as your wife and take on family responsibility.  I suggest that you withdraw down towards being a friend and tell her that if you see that you are compatible friends then you will give to her family.  If the family doesn’t like this then you are being taken as a friendly bank account.  Her family are not your responsibility.  She may not be either because you are not her husband.  Many foreigners find their self married one day in Cuba and 47% of the Cubans that marry Canadians leave within months of arriving in Canada. Britian is no different.  Does her family go to church?  Where and how you meet a woman has a relationship with her values.  Marry a woman with solid healthy values that is not driven by money…...300pounds is driven by money. There are many many more of women that want your money than just one but there few that want you without your money.  Find that women and you have love for life.  Blessings

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On February 05, 2010, Cevan wrote:

There is a difference between wants and needs.  It concerns me when ever some one ask for money.  My girl in Cuba has not asked for much. I have volunteered to send money to help her.  300 pounds is a bit much for someone to be asking for every month.  You have to judge the depth of your relationship.  Once you start doing that you will have to maintain.  Your relationship could evolve into a material relationship, if it isn’t that already.  If you are considering sending that much a month then it my not be much to you.  I agree something in the range of 100 per month will last last 3x’s as long and you will see how it goes before you jump in with both feet.  See how she reacts if you send her less than what she asked.  You can always send more. How long have you guys been together?

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On February 05, 2010, Peter wrote:

Adivisor X you are extremley loquasious, like Fidel, but none should listen because you are clearly, unclear. Another big talker without any message. You are a follower!

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On February 06, 2010, tero wrote:

PETER, i don’t understand your answer.  Sorry.  Everyone thank you for taking the time to help me. I met my girlfriend in January 2009 at a friend’s house in havana who had married a cuban girl. I went back to see her at Varadero in March. We had a great time. Last August, she came here on a visitor’s visa for 3 months.  I did come abit concerned when she came with hand luggage and went with back to her home in Holguin with 70kg. I had only just recovered financially from a vicious divorce. I am just an ‘average Joe’. I can’t afford 300 hundred a month. They don’t understand the difference between wanting and neeeding. For example, i gave my girlfriend a mobile phone in march and then wanted it changed on her visit because she did’nt like it. She did’nt own one before and took the other one back to sell. I boght her a notebook.But she does’nt even have a telephone line to get internet. I seem to be answering my question in some ways. I started the process to get her over here again for 6 months again. She wants to marry me and she won’t be allowed here again unless we are. I am 50 and she is 32. I don’t want to work for ever. My family are concerned. I do believe she loves me. But i realise i am a provider as well. I had the idea that 100 cuc would be enough for her family since she intends to move here. But i can see her wanting the 300 pounds even if she and her son lived in england. Thank you for taking the time to read this.

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On February 06, 2010, tero wrote:

Sorry PETER, i do understand your answer. I did not realise you were referring to someone’s else’s (X) answer.

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On February 06, 2010, AdvisorX wrote:

Tero, I am sad for you, the behaviour of this woman suggests that she sees you as a route to largely getting her economic wellbeing needs met and that of her family without consideration for the effect on your economic wellbeing.
You are not healed from your divorce, this is not the time to form a new relationship, it takes up to 2 years to get restabilized by knowing your self as the person you were before you were married.  There is no reason to jump into a permanent relationship with a woman that you just met.  If you were healthy emotionally then you would have slowly got acquainted until you knew enough about her to make an informed decision to deepen the realationship or move onto another woman. She is not showing herself to be your friend but rather your economic friend.  If at some point you bring her to face that you don’t have wads of money then do not be hurt if she leaves you.
This is not to cast a negative aspersion on all Cuban people but those that especially make an effort to be in the tourist areas are mostly there to meet a foreigner to get out or get money to raise their standard of living.  This is no different than anywhere else in the world but what is different is that number of women and men that will have sex quickly with the stranger and give the impression of love with that person.  To love a person, one must know the person.  In a healthy relationship, a person takes their time to know the other person and make sure that they are not going to get their heart ripped out in a break up.  When you have sex with a woman then you are putting glue into the relationship and if the relationship ends then you will also get your balls ripped off…....after your heart and balls are ripped off…..then your hurt will deter you from being close with another woman, sometimes for life or you will see woman as objects to take revenge on for having hurt you so much.  But really you are responsible for whom you chose and you are causing your own hurt and she is an active participant so long as it pays off for her and her family.  Time to take responsibility for your own wellbeing including your emotional, spiritual and mental by meeting other women in Cuba.  Get out of the resort areas and go to smaller cities or towns and meet local woman that are not tainted by the money that flows through the tourist areas.  There are
decent Cuban women but my sense is that is not what you are looking for, I sense you are looking for a wanton woman and you have described one.  If you want a decent woman then look onwards.  Your family will be with you for life, will she?  Listen to your family, they will not divorce you and they will not stop loving you if you get laid off from your job.  Cut her back to 35 CUC per month as this translates to 1000 Cuban national pesos.  She is rich with that amount as compared to those that have no foreigner to give money to.  I have a feeling she will squeem when she finds this out.  Tell her that the economy is getting worse in Britain and you have to save money in case you get laid off.  If she and her son come to Britain then you will be financially responsible for them both for the rest of your life at a higher life style than you can afford, even if she walks out within days as is happening more and more to Canadian men.  Yes, days.  Then they file for divorce and support and you pay until the child is 25 plus her for years.  Marriage is a much more serious decision with a foreigner than a domestic woman as the financial cost will enslave you for life and end your possibility of ever having a loving family life with a woman.  Find a decent woman, not a 300 pound economic guerrilla. Print this off and take it to your family and after they read it ask them if they will support you if you are impoverished by your decision to marry this 300 pound economic guerilla.  Look elsewhere…...you heart is wounded from your prior divorce and someone is feeding off the blood that is dripping from your heart, instead of being a bleeding heart, take responsibility for repairing your heart and get a woman that loves you for who you are not what money you can feed her and her family. Your mother and father would be disgusted with you not having already ended this given what you already know about this woman as a person, an I want want want want want want want. And you a
give give give give give give give person…....you have been seduced. Wake up!  Your life is at risk!! of being enslaved to a wanton woman and wait until her son follows his mothers example…..he will be 300 pounds a month also when he gets to Britain…... She has the richest man she ever has had on the hook….now how can she tie you down? ......will she get pregnant next?  Be respectful to your family, they love you for your life not your money, listen to them.  There are more and more and more and more and more women in Cuba than there are foreign men willing to do more than leave them money for sex.  You are a man willing to marry that means you are a golden prize…..find a good woman that just wants a good man and that will be happy just to be married to you as a person for richer or poorer then give her your life.  I prayed for you.

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On February 06, 2010, Spiros Havanafun wrote:

tero
dont make the mistake to marry your cubana
your story and marriage will end soon inside problems
my moto=good cubana is the cubana that stays insude cuba

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On February 06, 2010, AdvisorX wrote:

Tero, spiros havanafun has written the same statement over and over again for the last 8 months I have been on this site.  I feel he has hatred in his heart for cuban women. Nothing good to say about any of them.  My portugese friend in Canada has friends that married Cuban women many years ago and have happy marriages. I suspect spiros is not a good person and attracted women that were not good.  Yes spiros there are good women in Cuba as there are in every other country but you have to be a good man to attract them and you have to seek them out and know what a “good” woman is, have a criteria and don’t settle for less.  Good women are not hanging around hotels and bars and dance places, they are serving the community and involved in helping others.  Your repeated statement suggests to me that you are a selfish taker.  You have no advice that is constructive.  You chose poorly your woman.  Take years to get to know the woman and look at the life they live within their community and how they interact with others that know them and do they have high moral values that they keep religiously and are they part of a religious community and observe God’s laws….or are they flakes and slide with the circumstance so they fit you today but another day another man.  Are they schemers?  Look at their family and friends and ask your self and do they have the same values as your family values.  Sex is given away like candy in Cuba by a portion of the population so don’t let your sweet tooth make the decision for where your dick shall lieth for the next 30 years as you may find it in your hand because she is gone.  Get a “good” woman with sound proven morals, ones that your parents would have prized.

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On February 06, 2010, Lee wrote:

tero,
I too am 50, my cuban wife is 30. we met in havana (5 years ago) and in the beginning she didn’t understand the value of $$$, she thought money was free outside of Cuba (it concerned me at the time). i had to teach her it did not grow on trees. I had to smuggle her out of Cuba to Los Angeles, costing me a boat load of money. I had told her ahead of time that it was a gift of freedom and she could move to Miami once she got here…she owed me nothing. that is the way you should approach this. she without question needs and probably loves you, so look at it as a gift. My wife and i are now expecting a son in a few months. Our relationship is the envy of LA. My friends and family adore her…she is the best thing that ever happened to me. I have been told and have now experienced that Cuban woman make the best partners. Proceed with caution, but do proceed. they are amazing people in a dire predicament. teach her about the value of money, she’ll understand.

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On February 06, 2010, AdvisorX wrote:

Lee, has a mature perspective on relationships, they are not economic money bound but rather her put her needs above money.  I would suggest that Lee’s
wife has a better value system than what you described your woman to have
and so take her back in money to what you can afford on an going basis. If you do anything to increase your insurance that this is a bonifide life long relationship then you must deepen your relationship with her and this will take up to 2 years therefore it cost you money to travel and stay in Cuba
and if she really wants you and not your money then less money will not be of a concern to her.  They do not understand your cost of living as compared to theirs but the examples you have given are not related to her understanding because you bought her a note pad computer that she can’t even use and worse you are supposed to be the one that knows the value of your money so what are you doing warping her values with expensive items that she can’t even use except to sell it and get money for it…..you need to mature also terro.

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On February 06, 2010, tero wrote:

I appreciate the advice. The notebook was bought after a argument with her. Her 12 year old son, on the phone from cuba, said he needed it for school and she asked me for it. I thought it was unessesary and i did’nt want to spend any more money. When i told her the price, she gave no reaction. Four days before she went back to cuba, i felt guilty and bought it. I was told that she would have a telephone line put in, therefore internet and be able to communicate better. I thought. I phone her still. They are a deprived people. Cuba is a communist success story. It has succeded in keeping the population equal.  Equal in POVERTY.  Except the ones that are more equal than the others.  thanks.

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On February 06, 2010, AdvisorX wrote:

Your vulnerable to manipulation as you are not feeling fully your healthy self due to the loss of your marriage and your horrible experiences with divorce.
This woman argued with you and you capitulated. She knows that you will capitulate if she gets aggressive with you.  You want to please her even when you know that she is wrong.  You need to create a set of criteria that you do not veer from that are healthy.  Such as, I will think about it and phone you back and let you know my decision.  If she gets angry, you say, I feel you disrespect me when you talk to me in an angry manner.  I am going to get off the phone line right now and next time you speak with me if you speak with respect then I will listen to you. Otherwise, I will hang up the phone. If she gets angry then hang up.  It is your money and you are responsible for your money and you are responsible for your life and not hers and not her son and not her family.  She takes care of her responsibilities and you take care of yours.  When she speaks to you in a respectful manner and is responsible towards you and your life then you will respect her in return.
That is not happening.  There is no respect here.  You must first respect your self and then interact with her as I suggested so that she respects you. Right now you are a suck!  If you need a tit to suck on go back to your mother, if you want a woman then be a man and respect yourself and stand up for your self and if you have to hang up on her and when you return to Cuba find a
“good” woman not a money sucking leech….not that I am saying she is but rather that is the impression that you leave me with and maybe a heck of a lot of other readers.  Cuba women like a male that stands his ground with her.  Otherwise she will disrespect you.  If you are not able to stand your own ground then I suggest you go for some courses on assertiveness and relational communication to get the idea at least.  But todate, you are with a disrespectful woman and if you lived with her and her son then you will be driven out of your own home and they will have their feet up…on you.
So if being a foot stool or a stool is something you relish then get off this system and just continue to be a suck….give this to your family and ask them if they disagree and if so then right back their comments and I will stand up for what I believe is right with them also but I think the odds are that they will see that I am correct.  You need to learn to respect your self and see your self as worthy of love of a good woman and not a leech.

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On February 06, 2010, AdvisorX wrote:

You are under the illusion that Cubans are in poverty because you have no idea with poverty is.  Haitians are in poverty but Cubans are well off comparitively.  Communism does not keep them poor, 50 years of embargo keep the entire island poor and then the US CIA spread diseases on the population such as hemorragic dengue fever which killed a 119 people including 59 children, a swine disease that killed 400,000 pigs, an insect sprayed by planes over Cuba that killed their potato crops, a mould that killed there tobacco crops and then their was the cane crops and then the US would not allow the necessary chemicals in to fight these diseases so the Cuban gov’t had to fly these in at 4 times the cost and the idea was to cause the demoralization of the population to uprise against the leadership but when a US court was trying an individual he testified that he worked for the CIA and was responsible to procure and spread biological agents against Cuba and then when the Cuban people realized that the US had been killing Cubans this way then it strengthened the leaderships position.  Yes, the US caused the strenghtening of the hold of the leadership and you think that the communists cause Cuban poverty?  You need to learn more about it’s history, next time you are at an airport in Cuba look at the books there and then go to sources to confirm whether it is pure propaganda or fact such as court records or US gov’t documents or US hearings, would show.

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On February 07, 2010, tero wrote:

I do know that the main reason for cuba’s position is the usa’s attempt to strangle cuba’s economy therefore bringing down the cuban leader’s. The usa does not like when it does not get it’s own way. Cuba is run like a business. It is well oiled. It keeps the people happy by making sure they don’t go hungry. But the people are deprived of normal things that you would find in any shop in most countries. I have been there twice. The black cubans live in what you would normally call slums.  This is 2010 and my girlfriend had not ever tasted for example a strawberry. If the usa lifted it’s embargo, the cuban economy would benefit. Most of it going to the castro’s. China is a superpower because it has a billion people living on slave wage.The leaders do not. The communist eastern block were 40 years behind the western world because the system discouraged thought and progress so the leaders can stay in power. The best thing that could happen for the cuban people is the usa minding it’s own business. Then the government would then not have any one to else to blame. When so many girls have to turn to prostitution to live in cuba something is wrong. It is’nt just the usa.

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On February 07, 2010, Cevan wrote:

I just thought about this.  What 12 year old needs a notebook.  There are many things people may complain about in Cuba but the education system isn’t one of them.  They do a very good job educating and 99.9999% of this is done without notebooks.

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On February 07, 2010, AdvisorX wrote:

I think Tero fed the problem of them wanting all kinds of things that come before their eyes and their dreams as opposed to reality based needs.  He should make sure they have animal proteins and more vegetables in their diet because in Cuba it is short in their diet but other than this, they are okay diet wise.  He has become the luxury king of their family and neighbourhood, the rich English man…...ask and you shall receive.  This is tragic as money money is a bad base for building a permanent life long relationship and God help him if they get divorced in Britian as he will have to pay support until that boy is ?
age in Canada it’s 25 even if he is a complete bum and drug addict.  My friend has a cuban wife and her son in Canada and he is spending his money like water having a party time and not attending school and there is nothing he can do about it.  He is pulling his hair out.  Make sure the kid has religion and healthy values as well as the mother and stop warping their values with money money money!  You are the problem not just them, you should know better, would you splash this amount of money with a local girl and her son?
I said a prayer for you.

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On February 07, 2010, AdvisorX wrote:

Tero, Cuba is not deprived by it’s government of “normal” things but rather the island economy does not produce the amount of revenue to afford luxury goods.  But this is true in any third world economy.  The island economy would have afforded it if the embargo and sabatoge of the economy by the USA did not exist for 50 years.  Cuba has found a major pool of oil offshore but that will take 10 years to come on stream and then it will be rich if the USA does not invade it or destabilize it’s government and take it over by installings it’s own dictator as in Haiti, yeah it has elections but the USA interfered with it.
I have been in former communist countries and asked people what is the difference between during communism and after:  “Before we had lots of money but no goods to buy and now we have lots of goods but no money.”
You hit on a truth of the failure of the communist system and that is the black cubans are descriminated against in the major cities mostly and live in slums.  You are not a well travelled person, there must have been some fruit in Cuba that you never tasted before?  I cannot possibly understand how you could conclude that Most of it going to the castro’s. China is a superpower because the global trillionaire bankers decided to allow it to be for some future nefarous purpose.  Clinton passed on technology for weapons to them as part of that plan.  The wages of the Chinese people has risen from what it was in the former communist only system, what you consider slave wages is high wages to them because every thing is so cheap there.  You were told that the communist eastern block were 40 years behind the western world but the Russians were the first to put a man in space and the russian space station is used by AMerican’s,  The british and American bankers funded and put Stalin into power to create the system that the current world is going into which is a one world centralized government under the bankers.  The best thing that could happen for the cuban and world’s people is the usa minding it’s own business. But the USA government is under the control of the global banking families in The City in London England.  Many Cuban men and girls have to turn to prostitution not to live in cuba but to have material goods. The religious men and woman are not prostituting their self and marrying to get material wealth.  Religion gives a structure of morals and values to keep people from succumbing to materialism and moral decay and Cuba lost it’s religion because communism in most countries is atheistic and elitist.  But in Britain and USA it is satanic and elitist…..I mean…wake up….Blair lied to your countrymen and took you into an immoral blood bath of a war….in Iraq…and he still lies today…..I hope he is charged with war crimes against his own country men for wasting young lives on a concocted lie….even Pri nce Charles claims that he told Blair that the intelligence on Iraq did not substantiate weapons of mass destruction and there is no need to go to war with Iraq. Who is the master of deception?  The Rolling Stones sang about him.

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On February 07, 2010, Spiros Havanafun wrote:

i have meet my x-cuban wife in havana through a athlete of taekwondo cuban national team/
1)so you can say she was not searching for tourists around obispo street,capitolio or santa maria playa
2)i was living in her house for 3 times(2 months period each time )in year 2007 and early 2008
3)in this period of 6 months i was a member of her family as i thought
4)the big secret was that same time my x-wife was having a cuban boyfriend and all the family including her was predenting that i am her husband
5)the target was to get married and taking her pve permission from cuban immigration

6)the point for me is one: i can not share a woman with her boyfriend in cuba and be the victim of a plan of hers getaway from cuba
7)cubans always planning plans in theyr heads so you never you will know what they are planning to do with you

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On February 07, 2010, tero wrote:

‘X’ You were doing so well and i was enjoying the history lesson, then you get personal about fruit and wheather i have travelled well. Now i know you are guessing. I started originally because i don’t understand women and even more, i don’t understand cuban women. Back to communism. Millions of chinese live in dormitories away from their familes. They are on a very low wage and have to work 12 hours a day. This happened about 60 years ago in the satanic west. On occasion workers riot and the chinese government decide to reduce the population by executing people after a pantomine trial. There is no argument. Blair Lied and Bush lied as does every leader. They do get found out eventually and lose their jobs. Not much punishment when they are responsible for killing hundreds of thousands of innocent lives. If america was a communist country, Bush would by now be voted President for life. When the berlin wall came down and Germany was united, the German government under-estimated the cost of bringing the eastern part into the 20th century. The german people had to pay the price of the communist system not working. The cuban people have suffered because of the us embargo. They would have still suffered without the embargo because communism does not work without controlling the newspapers, radio,television,controlling what people speak and hear. Back to my problem. I never flashed any money at my girlfriend. Cuban people expect all western people to be wealthy people. I do not have this mentality to think of people as a way up or out for me. It seems acceptable behaviour in cuba. ‘Westerners’ mistake this for love. I would still go to cuba for a holiday because i do like the people and culture.

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On February 07, 2010, AdvisorX wrote:

Hi Spiros, thanks for sharing with us about your xwife and I believe you that she was not searching for tourists around obispo street, capitolio or santa maria playa.  But she had status as an Olympic Athelete and would have been with the elite and over the years lost that status after the Olympics. She would have had a higher level of life then but not have much money after.  Her family would have experienced the same.  She may have saw herself as superior to you because it is drummed into Olympic atheletes minds that they are superior beings.  I would feel the same way as you if this happened to me and it might make me sick even.  Is it possible for you to move onwards and find a woman that is a regular woman that is church going as is her family and they are part of a community of good people rather than part of the elite community?  I feel sad that you see Cubans only as planning in their heads when in reality this goes in third world countries or even in poverty areas of USA.  Did you and her and her parents go to church regularly?

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On February 07, 2010, AdvisorX wrote:

Hi tero, of course I would be assuming or guessing, my psychic powers are limited to fruit and weather. Woman have agendas that they control and ones that control them such as menstruation and need to get impregnated. You will die and still not understand women so instead find one that has a solid moral values and puts them into practice daily and you see it in her actions and in her interactions with her community.  In your nation of 30,000,000 citizens, millions of chinese living in dormitories away from their familes is enormous.
The 1,325,639,982 - 2008 China population reproduced at 17,300,000 -2008.
In Canada immigrants work for very low wages and work 12-18 hours a day 7 days a week. This is rehappening in the satanic west. On occasion workers in Canada rioted and were shot by our government’s soldiers including Chinese that were shipped back to China after the Canadian railways were finished. No offence, but 726 people were executed officially in 2003 but some say 10,000 per year.  Subtract 10,000 per year from 1.3billion citizens and add on 17mil new births and there is no reduction in population by executing people. YOu read propaganda.  The highest number of prisoners per capita in the world is in the USA.  Both need to improve their human rights. Blair and Bush lied but does the President of Turkey when he spoke out against the slaughter of innocent children and women in Gaza?  We agree that so far they have gotten away with their treason and mass murders without much punishment. No offence to you, but you are out of date. America is now a communist like system with the illusion of democracy and to maintain the illusion they let people vote for who the elite pick.  You are corrent about Berlin and the German government under-estimated the cost of bringing the eastern part into the 20th century. The german people paid the price of the allies occupying it for 30 years and still are but it is hidden costs. The cuban people have suffered because of the us embargo. I and you suffer because our system would be overthrown without controlling the mass mind through the mass mediums.  In Canada and the US there are persons in jail for speaking out.  Western people are wealthy compared to Cubans. I mean’t the opposite that the woman saw you as a way up or out for her.  There are woman that do not accept prostitution and scaming tourists as acceptable behaviour in cuba. ‘Westerners’ are set up to mistake this for love. What they see in movies and TV suddenly befalls them in Cuba…they are in a movie but in real life.  Go to cuba and enjoy the people and culture but get to meet women that have some religion and only be friends with them and do not talk marriage and get to know them over a couple of years and through them you will meet other women and one day you will meet one that you know is decent and have sound moral values and can stick with one man for life.  Rather than give up, give your self a second chance….even your self deserves a second chance….if you are a good person then be with good people and you will meet a good woman…..were do good people congregate?  bars,  hotels, clubs, etc.?  figure it out and go there and meet decent woman that would be happy for life to be with a decent man that wants only one woman for life.  Jim

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On February 08, 2010, tero wrote:

‘X’ my comment on a paticular population control method was not serious. But, your message was informative. Thank you. That’s it for now. I do have woman problems you know, to sort out.

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On February 08, 2010, AdvisorX wrote:

Tero, sometimes we think we have woman problems but really we have a problem in our relationship with our self.  The healthier our relationship with our self is then the healthier our relationship is with others.  You are still hurting from your divorce, heal this and then you will attract a healthier woman into your life and you will not accept unhealthy behaviours towards you by any woman.  I prayed for you to meet a “good” woman.  Blessings.

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On February 08, 2010, tero wrote:

‘x’  I hope your God takes more notice than my God. Thank You

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On September 10, 2011, charles wrote:

For those people wanting to marry a Cuban.. If you really fall in love,, move to Cuba, live with your partner for a few months,  then you will know if it’s REAL.  Getting married, going back to your country and sending money is STUPID. Nobody can tell you this,but after a few months of bank deposits and no appreciation,,  you will get the message.
    I’ve done it,, and my wife and I were a good couple, close in age and looks. SHE, was a very good actor. when I went back home she had someone else. And when I went back, she had gifts that you can’t get in Cuba,, and I didn’t give them to her.  She was a good actor, butshe made too many mistakes.
  My advice,,  Go there, Fall in Love, help the family, we can afford it. Remember,, in your country, people 25 and 30 years younger then you are not falling in love with you.  What makes you think a Cuban is ?????

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On March 20, 2012, engage wrote:

Hello Everyone.

So many bad experiences. What can I tell you, Mine is very positive. I have skimmed the posts and the one thing that I can tell you is to use common sense. Listen to your inner voice, it is usually telling you the truth.

I too got out of a 20 year marriage with a New England girl who just wanted out. She broke my heart and I concentrated on getting my life in order. I am from Dominican Republic and I have been here since I was 6 years old. So I have an advantage on many of you from Europe and North America, but I too fall into the same perils as you. SO be careful and be tight with your trust. It served me well.

These posts are correct when they tell you to wait more than two years before you venture out for serious relationship. Some very smart people have written about this and have given the same advice. If you fail to heed this, I am sure you will fall into some emotional and financial trap. I did not have to go to Cuba for this to happen to me. I found it right in my back yard and I was smart enough to see it for what it is…fleecing. Seriously, bottom line is that when we are young we can afford to be reckless, but as a mature and successful 50+, I am a target for the golddigger, whether she is in Boston or Havana.

I met my now wife Ten years ago walking with a friend in Cuba. I was there meet my niece’s fiancee, a Cuban man, and check him out.( They just celebrated their tenth as well). I was introduced to this 20 year old cutie with flaming red hair and freckles. I was captivated by her and I invited her and her aunt to join our group for a drink. Now I am a bit old fashioned and I was not looking for marriage. I asked to see her again and - here is what made me think twice- she told me I would have to come to her home, meet her parents, and ask permission.

This told me that she might be a good girl and not a Ginetera ( a girl that dates foreign men for money and hopefully a ticket out of her life in Cuba). The next day, I met her mother and father and I declared my intentions for courtship. I then spent the balance of my vacation, ten days, with her and her family, being a guest. I took her on dates, but initially they were supervised. (think of Michael’s courtsip in Sicily).

This is foreign to American and European modern males, but it is still practiced in Central and South America among families. I enjoyed the process very much and fell in love with her and her family. I next spent the year traveling to Santiago de Cuba and staying as little as one week and as much as one month. I am fortunate in that I owned my own company and had the financial means to really test the waters. I showed up unexpectedly and I also enlisted certain persons to keep an eye on things. Not once did She ask me for money.

I set up a bank account for her and deposited enough for her to help the family with food and clothing. I returned two months later to find the account in tact. When I asked why they had not used the money, her mother told me that it would be dishonorable to withdraw money without my permission. I then gave her, not my girl, permission to use the money to buy food and clothing. What this told me is that, while these people are poor, they have something that many people here have long lost… a sense of honor and self respect.

Well to make a long story shorter, we are celebrating 10 years together. She is now a citizen and going to college for nursing. We have had our troubles and we have fought some dooseys. But we are still together and I love her very much. She dotes over me and she is very possessive of my attention. She is also very very jealous. It took her a long time to learn that I can have women as business associates and not sleep with them.

In 2008,the real estate market crashed, I lost my company and most of my wealth. We struggled and we are now on our way back. We live much more modestly and we watch the dollars. She is still with me and tells me over and over again, that marriage is forever and she will never stop loving me. My first wife could never live up to that!

So, be vigilant. Take your time. Get to know her. You will be joining a family so be prepared to be a Godfather figure. They will appreciate the help you give but be respectful and don’t be arrogant.

Oh, One more thing. I have never put her, her mother or father on a stipend. I send help when I can. I don’t think it is a good idea to support people on a monthly basis. I have seen too many examples of people becoming dependent on that monthly allowance. Help when you can. And its okay to say no. You will be respected and appreciated much more.