Cuba Culture News and Information
BY TRACEY EATON | The Dallas Morning News
Marriages between foreigners and Cubans have skyrocketed, and while many relationships succeed, many others fail—sometimes by design.
HAVANA—Ted Oswick has heard the tales of woe. Older men venture into Cuba and marry young, beautiful women, only to be dumped once they get back home. But Oswick said he is sure that his romance with a Havana maid is for real.
’‘I see men in their 60s with teenagers and it sickens me,’‘ said Oswick, an information technology worker from England. “But I’m not that much older than my girlfriend. I’m 54 and she’s 37. We’re both adults and we have a genuine relationship.’‘
The number of marriages between foreigners and Cubans has skyrocketed since the early 1990s, when the socialist government turned to tourism to save its economy. but while many relationships succeed, many others fall apart, leaving a trail of heartache, shattered hopes and betrayal.
Foreign diplomats who grant travel visas to couples say differences in customs, language and age can lead to trouble.
‘NAIVE’ ABOUT LOVE
‘some men figure, `I’m 50 years old. When am I ever going to have a woman who’s 20 again?’ So they get married,’‘ said a European diplomat, speaking on condition of anonymity. “But these men are naive. Not that many 20-year-olds are really in love with someone who could be their father or grandfather.’‘
Joaquín Perez found out about that the hard way. He was 71 when he traveled to Cuba from Spain, looking for love. He thought he found it in a woman who was then 28.
’‘she always told me that the age difference didn’t matter and that she liked mature men,’‘ Perez said in a letter posted in the Spanish Embassy as a warning to his countrymen.
A MARRIED MAN
A few months after their marriage, the woman stole his car and abandoned him, he alleged in the letter.
Women have sad stories of their own.
Yuneisy Perez, 29, married a Mexican man, only to find out that he already had a wife.
’‘I ended up living in an apartment he rented for me in Mexico, but he seldom slept there,’‘ she said. “After almost a year, I fled and moved in with a Mexican family. He found me and had me deported to Cuba.’‘
Foreigners can’t take Cuban women from the island without a government-sanctioned letter of invitation requiring them to pay the Cubans’ expenses abroad. Some Cubans traveling to Portugal get off the plane in Madrid, leaving their foreign lovers out to dry. But the men are often so ashamed that they don’t report it.
’‘They keep it quiet in the hope that no one will find out,’‘ a European diplomat said.
In one case, a foreigner spent $50,000 on a Cuban woman in just two weeks, he said.
’‘Meanwhile, she slept with at least three of his friends, got a job at a casino and dumped him,’‘ the diplomat said. “He called me, asking how he could have her expelled from the country. But that couldn’t be done.’‘
Cuban officials could not provide any figures on marriages between foreigners and Cubans, but scattered evidence suggests a dramatic increase.
Only 15 Spaniards married Cubans in 1990, the Spanish newspaper El País reported in 1997. That number shot to 670 by 1993 and to 1,190 by 1996, a year when 117,000 Spaniards of both sexes visited the island.
Today, Spain and Italy each record between 1,000 and 1,500 such marriages a year, diplomats say. Mexico, Canada, Germany and Portugal also see a considerable number, they say.
Certainly, tens of thousands of Cuban women—and some men—have married foreigners in the past decade, diplomats say.
Some Cuban men complain that foreigners are plundering the island of its greatest natural resource—its women.
ANNUAL VISIT
That would be people like Jorge Represa, a tourist from Spain, who says he visits Cuba every year in hope of finding a partner. ’‘Yes, I want to get married. I want someone to take care of me,’‘ said Represa, 67, who currently is seeing Yania Fabar, a 30-year-old from Havana.
Cuban officials play down the phenomenon, saying that when the Soviet Union was the country’s chief sponsor, scores of islanders married Russians and other foreigners.
Now most visitors are from Europe and Latin America, said one official, who requested anonymity, “so it’s no surprise that there are marriages. And most marry for love. I don’t agree that most Cubans marry foreigners because they disagree with the political system or want to leave the country. That’s a distortion.’‘
HORROR STORIES
But Cubans say they hear plenty of horror stories about marriages gone bad.
’‘I know of one Cuban woman who married a man from Saudi Arabia,’‘ a woman from Havana said. “She slept with his brother, and he traded her for a camel.’‘
’‘Yeah, I’ve heard that story,’‘ said another Cuban, Olga Medina, 27. “Did you hear about the Italian who put his Cuban wife in a cage? He fed her bananas and invited his friends to watch and make fun of her.’‘
No one knows how many of these stories are true, but it’s top-drawer gossip in a country torn between revolution and the encroaching outside world. Despite such experiences, some Cubans remain intent on snagging a foreigner.
PRAYING FOR A HUSBAND
’‘Every night, I hope and pray to the Virgin of Charity that I will find a husband who will take me from Cuba,’‘ a 25-year-old Havana woman said.
And sometimes there is a happy ending. Yordanka Sarmientos, 26, a former teacher who was visiting home, readily admits that she married a Spaniard ’‘for pure convenience’‘ because she wanted to live abroad.
But ’‘once I was living in Spain, I fell in love with him and he with me,’‘ she said, and they have been together since.
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i really madly in love with cuban girls
and dying to have one as a wife.
i really madly in love with cuban girls
and dying to have one as a wife.
i really madly in love with cuban girls
and dying to have one as a wife.
I have been looking at pictures of single Cuban women who want a man from overseas, and they are for the most part very beautifull. If I were single, I would start writing to them myselfe. But I do not know if I want another forigne borne wife. My wife cried for two years, and wanted to go back home to her native Philippenes every other day after I got her over here.
l will love to meet a cuban girl one day
so if you can help me just send me a letter of invitation
thank you
obinna
Does anyone know how old you have to be to marry in cuba? I am in love with a cuban man, but suspect am still under the legal age… can anyone help?
how do i get a woman and her daughter from cienfuegos,cuba to Orlando,fl ?? does she start “paperwork” in cuba ? do i start “paperwork” in the u.s. ? and if yes…......where does the “paperwork” start ? her ex-huband has authorized her to leave cuba with their daughter and has promised to sign all paperwork. I NEED DIRECTION….HELP ME IF YOU KNOW WHERE TO START ?? thank you…ciao
Michael,
Ever hear the saying “No good deed goes unpunished”.
If you need direction, I would suggest turning 180 degrees and continue in that direction.
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exuse me ............i guess i’m not as articulate as i thought i was. what the heck are you saying or suggesting, really? with re: to your last paragraph? i want to get a woman and child from there to here. whats the problem? ” do a 180 and continue…..............” i’m lost!!!!! even more now! michael
It means that you should turn around and forget about it.
Unfortunately there are many scam artists in Cuba that will do and say ANYTHING to get off the island.
I have heard many stories about Cubans seducing people into helping them or marrying them only to be left heart broken months later.
Please ask other people for their opinions.
Try http://CubaMania.com forums for more (different) advice.
Good luck.
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I worked six months to bring a twenty six year girl to America and I am in my seventys. She constanly told me how much she loved me in her emails and phone calls. I spent about 30,000.00 dolors on her. She was in my house for two hours when she told me she was in love with some one else and left the next day. Needless to say I was broken hearted, but there is no fool like an old fool.
Sam,
Thanks for sharing your story. Maybe you just saved someone else from spending $30k.
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I am looking for a Cuban woman between the ages of 25 to 35 for marriage. I am a young man of 26 from Nigeria. I promise to show you love and care.
To quote that famous American author Lewis Grizzard, ” Next time I get an urge to get married…to keep matters simpler; I’ll just find a woman I hate ... and go buy her a house ” 
a 70 yr odl that marries a 26 yr old and expects it to last/work is gotta be either naive or senile .....
WARNING TO FOREIGN MEN OR WOMEN MARRYING CUBANS - one of my family members who was 42 married a much younger Cuban woman who has given him nothing but trouble since he married her. He is now in the process of getting a divorce. Do yourself a favour ... turn around and don’t look back.
I understand this forum is about Cuba and I pretty much share the same opinions as the publisher about being cautious with potential scam artists out there.
However, I would like to remind everybody that Cuba is not the only country with scam artists and women pledging their love for money, as a matter of fact, this kind of people are everywhere, and you can find lots of them in the US.
How many women here had married their “adored†husbands only for their money?
And how many had later even killed them to keep their money?
There are a couple of simple rules, what looks too good to be true is likely only that and everybody should be completely sure of the person they are sponsoring before making a commitment.
The problem is that many of the men that had been lied to, simply went to Cuba, spent a week, met a lady they found on the street couple of times and later spent thousands trying to bring her home. In some cases they have not even met them in person but found them in chat rooms on the internet and after a few chat sessions they thought those women were madly in love with them.
In many of those cases there is a huge age gap, some times over 40 years of age difference.
People should know better.
I have traveled the world and seen many cultures, but the god’s honest truth of all of this is that it is all just “common sense”. I have learned a simple rule in such things, and it applies to any foreign relationship ... if the man or woman is out of your league in your home country - than you are tempting fate. Let’s face it, except is rare cases, a man or women 20 years or more younger than you has ulterior motives. It is fodder to believe otherwise. Use common sense. Foriegn relationships do work, and I know from personal experience, but the relationship has to be based on reality. Cuban, and other latin cultures, have great values and ideals and should be commended for thier attitudes in love and life, and it is easy to love them and thier culture. Marry a woman you can relate to ... similar age, etc. and fall in love with her for who she is. I use a general rule of 10 to 15 years difference as a max. If you seek a “trophy wife” that is what you will get will all that entails. If a woman seeks a “boy toy” don’t expect anything more from him later. Be realistic and use the same judgement you would in your own country. If you do this you have a pretty good chance of succeeding.
Lots of great advice. I am 39 and was approached by a hot hard-bodied cuban dancer and she’s 25 (hey, that’s only 14 years, thanks Frank!)
Seriously, I sort of know her after a few visits to Cuba now and this time around she flat out admitted she is trying to get into Canada and sincerely pleaded for my help. Honestly I’m a “looker” myself but I’m not built like those male dancers she works with so you might say she could be out of my league physically too so I do see the red flags.
I have to admit, the temptation IS there and since I’ve never been married, the idea of taking the chance is quite tempting considering divorces are almost to be expected yet can be FAR more expensive. We’ll see if she emails me back!
Mark. i met my fiance 5 years ago. i was 45 and american, she was 25 and Cuban.
getting her to Los Angeles was almost devastating ($70,000. and a nine year prison sentence in cuba, i only served 3 days). she has been here for two years now and i couldn’t be happier. i have never been loved so deeply, and all my skeptical friends are all very envious and truly in love with her.
We argue, she is latina and passionate, but it is with love and respect. Although i was dating younger girls in when we met, certainly my fiance could have had any guy she wanted in Havana, but she choose me. i’ve dated many woman in my life and have a good BS radar. Trust your instincts, i know many people including publisher will disagree with me. But, our love and dedication had been an inspiration to many people, mainly due to her integrity. i say turn on your radar and go for it.
Cuban woman make great loyal partners, i have seen many examples here in LA. Our story has been turned into a book, due out next fall, and a movie currently being written. i recommend a cuban wife to all.
Only 14 years? Well than I suppose you are in good shape!I think 14 years is close to the limit, but I have had a few girlfriends in my day that are 10-15 years younger and there is no quesstion that Latinas have the insane ability to prefer older men for thier stability and common sense. Typically the red flags are pretty easy to spot. How long before she mentions marriage? How long before she asks about your job, where you live, or what you drive (sound familiar, huh? hahahaha) as is typical for an American woman trying to quickly size you up. Generally, if she speaks of relationships and taking time to know you, and doesn’t come right out of the gate with the fishing expedition you just might have yourself a winner. But just like a gringa, if she comes out quickly with family hardship (money), sizing you up for job etc., or in a hurry to marry - I’d be a little cautious.
Here’s the good news… if you marry and sign a prenup in her country when the time comes the rule of land where you marry prevails for the most part. The Dominican Republic is super male-friendly in this regard (note to be taken). And let’s face it, if she is willing to sign a prenup you just might have the real thing. I’d run with it and see where this takes you, but always keep your eyes open to the subtle signs. Another example is if every time you visit here… if she spends all your time out partying with you and her friends (on your dime naturally), and has a need to shop for a new purse or shoes every time you arrive… rather than spend some peronal time in the hotel (wink, wink) than I would be cautious. In either case I wish you luck and I hope it works out for you.
Frank and Lee
Thanks for your optimistic words, I spent hours yesterday looking for success stories and all I got were failures. Sorry to hear about the prison term, that must have been the ultimate test. As far as prenups go, you’re right that if she signs, then she’s for real.
Well, nothing actually happened between us more than friendship and after experiencing true love for 2 years that ended recently, I know the difference between that and infatuation. 3 years ago I was more naive to that. She’s a hot girl but also with a head on her shoulders and I admire her honesty. I think she is drawn to me because I wasn’t trying to hit on her like the other guys in the resort, in fact I kind of cut in whenever there was too much for her. She did exhibit physical signs that it was okay for me to hit on her but I held back. I wanted to keep it as friends due to my connection to the resort she dances at, but I will admit that the idea of falling in love is something I would like to see happen. Maybe there is something to this that will develop and I won’t close the door to it, especially after hearing your stories and advice. However I’m a firm believer that true love will only happen after the months (or years) and money spent going through the process and actually living with her for a period of time, so I can see why it would be so difficult to convince the authorities that the love is genuine.
She emailed me yesterday and gave me some contact info of cuban friends of hers who live in my town. She seems to think there is a way to get her here without marriage but from my research, that’s impossible.
Again, thank you guys for responding, I kind of feel alone in all this.
She never asked about my job, car or money. She just laughs with me and likes things about me that has nothing to do with material wealth or security.
mark
nothing wrong with doing another human being a favor, like marriage. it’s a horrible existence they have to endure. bring her over, freedom is a beautiful gift. then you can see if anything develops and how real it is. just don’t get too involved, financially. you’re not alone dude. Of course all you hear about are the failures, those guys are pissed, they need to vent. help her, just protect yourself.
2 years ago my brother went to cuba with friends and met a cuban girl of which he fell for. He went back to see her and the relationship started. He phoned every week and sent her money with the intetention of bringing her back to the uk. She asked for £800 for a visa so she could leave the country of which he gladly sent. Funny enough she said she couldnt get a real visa only a false one but now the money has gone. ( ALARM BELLS RINGING ) . My brother then went back to cuba to marry this girl which cost £6000. He then came back to the Uk and carried on sending money. She said that she would apply for a holiday visa which costs £120 dollars so she will come back for 6 months. He has now sent it over 5 times to her and now the stories start. She couldnt go the embassy because her nan was dieing . The weather was really bad. she was in hospital. Her kids were bad . She had no money to live on . Some one stole it. Countless lies and stories . After eveyone telling him the obvious he decided to go out there again to find out that she spent all the money on food and has bleed him dry. All the sob stories the ones that pull your heart strings were used to get his money. There is over 25 years difference in age and for all you men who read this stop and think : What does a 25 year old cuban girl see in a old man who is old enough to be her dad. YES YOU GOT IT !!!! MONEY !!!!! nothing else. No one wants to be loney but you will end up that way and very much hurt and humillated and broke. Yes they live in bad conditions out there but they dont no any different so dont feel sorry for them and let your feelings get mixed up and pitty them. My brother came back broken hearted while she carried on life as normal. Total loss in money is in excess of £20,000 . MONEY WILL NOT BUY YOU LOVE.
For those who read all these stories of being used and lost love after so much time, money invested in marrying a Cuban please read this. I not only fell deeply in love with my wife in Havana but we are very happily married and living well as we move to our 2nd year of marriage later this year.
Yes, there are many, many sad stories that you will read but ours is amazing and positive. We are both very spiritual & religious people and have connected in ways I never have with anyone else in my life.
The level of education and spirituality in all humans truly determines their intent. If you are meeting someone with nothing to lose or leave behind in terms of their own lives—move on and trust your instincts.
I visit Cuba for my holidays every year since 2005, I have been going with my ex husband and we have made quiet a few friends there, everyone automatically assumed we were married, I started to write to one Cuban man whose wife and family we met while there, last year a few of them was asking where my husband was when I was alone on the beach, I decided it was time to tell them the truth, that we are divorced and I have been single since 2003, they looked shocked but I was still treated the same, well one Cuban man had been getting close to me before he knew the truth but he his married and I will only ever be his friend, his letters have changed though, now he writes muchos besos por ti and amor ( but he also knows that one of the hotel workers when he found out I was single asked me to marry him and live with him in Cuba). I have got to know these Cubans for 4 years and I always take things for them, I have been to their casas and we have eaten and socialised with them, they really are lovely they might not have much but they are very kind and polite people. This year I am returning alone but at least I got to know them before I told them I was single and I think of them as mis amigos.
THE CUBANAS ARE NADE TO STAY ON THE ISLAND.NEVER MAKE THE MISTAKE TO MARRY A CUBANA
I know Cubans who have married and left the Island, so how can you say they are made to stay on the Island, I don’t know anyone who has married a Cuban hombre and lived on the Island with him, I wonder If they are happy, surely marrying a Cuban man can’t be such a bad mistake, The ones I have met seem to be decent men.
There are wonderful women in Cuba like in any other country, the problem are not the Cubanas, the problem is that is you are dumb to choose a woman, doesn’t matter what is the country of origin.
No matter what woman you choose, think twice before commiting and you would have less problems in the long run.
Risks, there are always risks, but the better you choose the less risks you would have.
THE CUBANAS ARE MADE TO STAY INSIDE THE PRISON NAMED CUBA
EVEN CHE HAVE SAID THAT THIS PEOPLE CAN NOT BE INSIDE RULES
NEVER MAKE THE MISTAKE TO MARRY A CUBAN/CUBANA AND TAKE HIM/HER IN YOUR COUNTRY
You obviously tried and failed. Hopefully most people would NOT agree with you.
obviously the cubana tried and failed to live in normal rythms(and not vacations rythms like in cuba spending money everywhere and anytime for helados,refrescos etc)of the rest part of western world
That’s the kind of cubana you choose. But believe most cubanas are not like that. They are hardworking and honest.
You can find that easygoing king of girls anywhere in the world including in your own contry.
cubanas dreaming 1)to have a husband abroad sending money to them
2)to stay in cuba with their families living her husband alone
3)collecting cuc each week by using the atm machine
4)is better life from this?
when you are in havana go and spend one morning in front of a ATM machine to see how many cubanas go over ther and using foreign cashcards collecting money/how is possible all of them be married and living in cuba?its a common practice.they try to have their husbands abroad and themselves in cuba for making vacations
You seem to be very bitter against Cuban woman, in-fact all woman, I suppose being a man you’re biased, men treat woman badly too, but not all men do. But being a man you wouldn’t understand that. I agree with Yeyo in all that he has said.
Many Cubans, Cubanas and Cubanos have money in the bank and use their cards on the ATM machines. I personally know many people, some members of my own family, friends and others that have ATM cards and that does not means that are receiving money from their husbands/wives outside of Cuba.
i mean when they make transactions with foreign cashcards.
for sure i know that cubans have accounts in cuc and using atm
but is different to see cubanas using foreign cashcards and collecting huge ammounts of cuc each time( 100 CUC AND MORE)when you know that monthly salary in cuba is 10-19 cuc
You must live a very boring life if you stand at the ATM machines watching the cabanas, it sounds like you are stalking these women.
no i was watching them when i was drinking my coffe in the mornings in pasteleria before i go to santa maria playa:))
What do you mean by cashcards? Do you mean Credit Cards? If that is the case I also happen to know many people with credit cards in Cuba, and by the way while I agree that in general the salaries in Cuba are very low, 100 CUC is not a lot of money if you consider the cost of the hotels, rental cars etc. Obviously most people does not receive large amounts of money but many people do have money in the bank and foreign credit cards from different sources.
Even groceries at the hard currency groceries stores are very expensive and therefore with 100 CUC you would probably buy less that what you can get in other countries.
I can see that you are very desapointed with a relation you had in Cuba. But again, that your ex was not what you hoped doesn’t mean that the rest of the women in Cuba are the same.
Once again let me point that there are “bad” women and men everywhere but there are also a lot of very good people everywhere, the main issue is to choose well.
you comfuzing life of cubans and life of tourists in cuba
cubans can not go and buy food in super markets in miramar because they need 100 cuc at least/they sure dont care to rent a car or go to a hotle/because this is for tourists/so dont make the mistake to compare lifes of tourists and cubans
You are the one that is confusing the life of the tourists and the Cubans, certainly not many Cubans have the means to rent a car or go to a Hotel. However many Cubans does have the means to do it, just go to Varadero and you would see many Cubans staying at expensive hotels there, which by the way some times are more expensive for them that for the foreigners.
As to the supermarkets in Miramar is the same thing most of the people that go there are actually Cubans. While not the majority of Cubans, certainly there are lot of Cubans with money to buy that kind of stuff.
i have recently returned from cuba. a friend of the family i stayed with took my friends scuba diving (he is a qualified instructor) and then ended up becoming our guide/driver/organiser/companion for the rest of the trip. he’s very educated (judging by his conversations) and runs several businesses (which we say ourselves). we had a brief fling while i was there and i expected that to be it when i returned to the uk. except he’s been texting and calling every day. i am trying to figure out what the scam might be but am struggling. he doesn’t need me to get out of the country as he can get a spanish passport (his mom is spanish), and from what i could see he doesn’t need money…. nor do i have any! in true latino style he’s talking about love and forever… i’m a very suspicious and realistic person and am taking it all with a pinch of salt. but i don’t want to be unfair if he’s been genuine. is there any way that i can figure out if this is a scam, and if so what kind of scam? any tests or tell-tale signs?? i’m very very reluctant to believe that a 40 year old experienced man would fall in love in 5 days…...
I was in a different situation as the Cuban men I met assumed I was married to the man I was with and I let them believe it, only 1 of them knew he was my ex so it gave me 4yrs which to socialise and get to know them and their families, but when they asked me last year while I was alone on the beach where my husband was it was then I told them I was not married and I was single. I was proposed to while I was there last year and he asked me to live in Cuba with him, I was surprised by this I always thought they wanted to get out of Cuba but not all of them want to leave, but like you I keep thinking is this a scam or his he genuine. He his a lovely guy and for the 4yrs I have known him he has always been kind and caring towards me, I return to Cuba later this year on my own this time, I am a realistic person and like to take my time to get to know someone. Why don’t you keep him as a friend and see how it goes, Go back and see him. Ask him where he would like to live if he proposes to you if he says UK it could be a scam, tell him you don’t have any money. It seems very quick for love after only 5 days. Go with your instincts good luck.
Thanks for your comments Northwestern. I will do what you said and try to get to know him…. see where it all goes i guess. I’ve actually quit my job in the UK to become a volunteer, which was in my plans ages ago. He knows this means I will have even less money that I have now and it still has not deterred him. He wants to live in Cuba, but because he knows that would be hard for me he’s suggested 6 months there and 6 months in Italy—he has business connections in Italy, so could make a life there more easily than in the UK. He’s already applied for his Spanish passport. I am starting to believe that there’s no scam involved…. just a crazy cuban man that’s allowed his latino passion to take over his otherwise sensible head. Either way, my skeptical realistic self is staying true to form. WIth your experience of Cuba, do you know if there are any opportunities for an english teacher or any other kind of volunteer work over there???? Thanks again.
Hi maria
If you go on to the Internet and type in volunteer work in Cuba it gives you volunteer work there, it is something I’m considering doing. the more you tell me of this cubano it seems he is genuine, I have my fingers crossed for you, but stay realistic until you are sure he is the one for you and you are not heading for heartache, If he moves to Italy it will be nearer for you to go and see him until you are sure. I wish you good luck and hope everything goes well for you and your Cubano. Let me know how things go for you. Not all of them are trying to pull a scam there are plenty of genuine guys in Cuba.
i want to invite my cuban girlfriend to england, i have been with her for 2 years now & things are good, does anyone know the cost of this process of letter of invitation, thanks
It is sad that one has to be careful about ill intent as a cause for concern about forming a relationship and more so for out of country relationships
because of unique obligations that one takes on when they marry and
bring a spouse to their home country. But the first rule applies no matter
where you form a relationship…....know thy friend and let your friend know
you before either of you commit to marry a person either of you don’t know.
Be open, honest and your self when you are with your acquaintance. Be
the same with your self because many of us from illusions land of TV, movies,
etc. are great in living in the grand deception but lousy in accepting reality.
So don’t lie to your self. Be truthful with your self. Think of her, she is going to be your wife and that will be your role. She is X years yonger, what will life be for her in x years ahead when you are even older. Is she a woman of substance that can tough out your less attractive declining years? When you treat her well, is she reciprocating. The hardest thing for a liar is living the truth. Give the person room to show their bad side, kind of rope to hand their self. Don’t expect it or feed it, let them be their self and experience their character. This is not fool proof but most deceivers are amateurish and show their hand. That is the reason casino’s win most of the time. People think they are smarter than the casino and the casino loves them to think this because it keeps them coming back to bet. Be the dumb one for a period of time, let the other person’s ego show it’s ugliness if it exists. I was pressuring my Cuban woman friend to sing on one area of an immigration visitors visa and she told me no and bucked me on it and then we went to the interpreter and she was correct. My ego was the problem not hers. Let the other person be their self and expect the usual conflicts and see how you both work these out. There is no nervana or utopia in relationships. I met a 55 yr old Cuban woman married to a Canadian that has no interest in visiting Cuba anymore, she looked quite unhappy about this because her son is lives in Cuba, he is a chef in a hotel and loves his life in Cuba. Her husband is an Canadian engineer and he loves to travel to Europe and she likes Europe but home is where you children live. She was intellectual and we talked politics about Canada and the US becoming more socialist but in a bad way. The degrading behaviours that the North American youth are learning from watching TV, movies, internet, porn, degrading the elderly, all the lower behaviours that are not allowed in Cuba. The truth is that Cuban’s generally have better moral values around family than many Canadian and Americans. I do counselling so I say that with some knowledge of their behaviours. So we who want love in our lives struggle with jadism, suspicion, fear, naivity, demands to learn about someone in a foreign environment, and much more.
To have love requires the opposite so we must learn to hold back and temper our minds reactions to the unknown and give fair chance to the other person to demonstrate their love but damn it we must also express love to them after all they have a difficult task to decide also and they want love also.
I think that if you are developing a relationship with a church going religious person then you are reducing your risk factor considerably but one has to accept that disallusionment with one’s current circumstances including not having a permanent married relationship with a partner can overwhelm one’s common sense when love is expressed to you, and love is only the cement in a relationship, the building blocks must be there also and a sound base to build a relationship on. Know each other’s history and expectations out of your partner and what you personnally are willing to give to your partner.
Get involved in some of your friend’s daily routine and see how they interact with others. Are they social beings? Are they afraid to others? What are their fears and bug a boos. Will you be able to handle their personality traits
for life? This is the reason that being with them for a month of more is of benefit within their setting. You can assess some of the lifestyle differences and discuss these so that they know in advance the coming changes should you marry and they immigrate to your country. And know that for the first two years there will be major adjustments as you both get used to responding to each other and the higher demands and pressures will be on the Cuban spouse to adopt to their new environment including loss of family, language, culture, friends, etc.. Will your friend make the best of the worst situations that will befall one or both of you in your married life? or will they be unable to handle the heat? Cubans are known to be adaptive, 50 years of embargo and the loss of their Russian supported economic wellbeing has forced them to be adaptive. For them they only have one way to go…up. We now face an economic crisis worse than that of the great depression. Socialism is the new way in America and so Cuban’s come from this. Maybe we will be advantaged by having a spouse that can guide us through that socialist system as they are the experienced ones. God only knows and you will need His help to make a good match so blessings on your choice. Jim
Nothing wrong with doing another human being a favor, like marriage. it’s a horrible existence they have to endure. bring her over, freedom is a beautiful gift. then you can see if anything develops and how real it is. just don’t get too involved, financially. you’re not alone dude. Of course all you hear about are the failures, those guys are pissed, they need to vent. help her, just protect yourself.nice blog keep it up.
Thank you for your encouragement. One has to measure whether doing another a favour leaves them in a worse situation than they were in. The road of good intent is paved with miserable failures. A woman with a child
that ends up in a foreign country with no family nor friends can end up with a ruined child. I am considering the child first and her second and me third in my assessment of what is best. A child that becomes unstable can make the
parents life miserable especially at adolescence. Would I like to help her come to Canada? Yes, I went to Cuba for a week to help her through Canadian Immigration but they turned her down. So it is out of my hands at this point. I wanted her in Toronto to learn about the stresses of our society and what living with my offside character is like so she had a realistic experience to decide to marry or not but that learning was quashed. Marriage is not a favour except for prostitutes and they charge for that favour. As a Catholic I will only marry a woman for life and I just found out since my posting she has been divorced twice so I am concerned about her capacity to tough things out, and marriage is tough. So I am going back to see and know her better and to see if we should move forward or end it. I do not want this to drag on especially because the 11 year old is affected by this decision and there are other that need to leave Cuba as a good deed, as you said, that may be a more suitable lifetime partner. I agree that there are persons that are pissed off that have been taken advantage of that write in here and there are more on North American websites that tell about NAmerican women that have done the same as some Cuban woman have. But men rip off women including in my country so are we to base our decisions on the smaller numbers or go for the greater experience? Love is where you find her not where you want her to be. To love. AdvisorX
Scottie - it’s not a simple answer. Lets just say if you’re paying for it all, count on spending about $300 plus return airfare but the process takes a lot more explanation. Go to http://www.cubaamore.com and http://www.cubamania.com for tons of info. You can’t post on cubaamore because for some reason the administrator is AWOL but most of the time if you pm a regular member they will post for you. You can still become a member. Just brace yourself for the negative responses, there’s a lot of bitter people on that site who married a cuban and got screwed over. Someone will actually come out and say something like “don’t even bother, it’s never going to work!” or “You’re dating a cuban? What’s your problem???”... seriously! Without a moderator, it’s like the kindergarten teacher leaving the classroom unattended!
Anyway I’m ranting. Good luck and keep us posted.
THIS IS dime porque te sientes mal cada ves que llegas a mi
> casa?
> te tratan mal o que? , que pasa?
> yo me siento mal y estoy deprimida porque no te tengo
> ,cada ves que me siento a comer , que voy a hacer algo ,
> pienso en ti y ahi mismo , se me quita el ambre , los deseos
> de hacer algo ,olle que no es fasil ,es muy difisil para mi
> todo esto y cuando veo que no consigo trabajo me pongo
> peor.
> empieso a pensar cosa , que me vas a olvidar , tu
> sabes por el tiempo , ahora no se nada , estoy como loca ,
> estoy al renunciar a todo esto .
> pero pienso y me doy cuenta que cuba esta peor , creo
> que no me puedo rendir todavia, pero no es fasil , papi , me
> estoy volviendo loca y aun , no he llegado como aquel que
> dice.
> Se como te debes estar sintiendo tu , pero no es sobre
> tus hombros que esta toda la responsabilidad que siento
> sobre mi, es mi familia, tu que eres la persona que quiero a
> mi lado , es todo , es el futuro , el tiempo, la edad , son
> muchas cosas y mi mente funsionando , me vuelvo loca y lo
> ceo todo difisil , tu no lo entiendes tal ves, pero no es
> fasil.
> Solo tengo claro que te amo y que te quiero , mas nada
> , pero al mismo tiempo , no se si tu vas a tener la
> fortaleza que se necesita para soportar esto, eres joven lo
> se y por eso temo , te quiero , pero no puedo obligarte a
> nada .
> estoy aqui respondeme por favor , te quiero mucho mi
> bebe .
> tu mujer, yordy
A LETTER THAT MY CUBAN WIFE SENDS TO HER BOYFRIEND IN CUBA:
I HAVE HAD MANY “LOVE EXPERIENCES IN LIFE"ESPECIALLY CUBAN & DOMINICAN !
I HAVE MARRIED & ANNULLED HAVE 2 CHILDREN IN THEIR 20’S AND A SIX MONTH BABY.I HAVE BEEN GOING TO THE DR SEVERAL TIMES A YEAR FOR 25 YRS.& CUBA SINCE 1991.I TRIED TO TAKE A CUBANA TO THE Dr(a 3 yr process)ONLY TO BE REJECTED BY THE DOMINICANS(NO APPEAL FOR CUBANS).PRIOR TO THIS,BECAUSE I DIDNOT MARRY THIS WOMEN(WHICH SHE WANTED)SHE SPENT 1YR.IN JAIL & 1 YR HOUSE ARREST BECAUSE THE LAW CHANGED ABOUT 5YRS.AGO THAT CUBANS ARE NOT ALLOWED TO HAVE RELATIONSHIPS WITH FORIEGNERS .THEY CAN BE FINED FOR TALKING TO YOU ALSO ! TALK MUST BE WORK RELATED ONLY ! WE HAD A “DECLARATION” FROM THE “PALACIO DE MATRIMONIO” THAT DECLARED OUR RELATIONSHIP AND THAT IT STARTED BEFORE THE LAW CHANGED.IN ADDITION SHE HAD HER PASSPORT BY THEN.
PS:WHEN YOU MARRY A “LATINA” YOU ALSO MARRY THE FAMILY & MOST ARE POOR !!!
